Struggling to Choose happiness: Part 2

It took a whopping 51 hours of travel to arrive in Vilanculos, Mozambique, our ministry location for the month. We were given a few days of recovery and adjustment time before we headed out into the bush, ie. the middle of nowhere, to work with an orphanage. Our time of rest was greatly needed and appreciated, however, my body requires something that I couldn’t get during those days… a cool place to rest. There was no A/C and there was limited shade, yet plenty of glaring sun that heated up everything in sight. Despite my bodies protests I tried to have a good attitude, but I quickly failed and chose to be bitter about my situation as we settled into bush life (walking a mile to pump water from a well and then carrying it back, taking a bath at said well, waking up at 5am because your tent is already 95 degrees). My first full day was spent sick, lying on a mat, moving every 30 minutes as I tried to hide from the sun. The next day was spend recovering and the next few were spent moving the orphanage from one location to the next. Throughout the move and the following settling in days I spent most of the time arguing with myself.

“Why aren’t you happy Shanda?”
“It’s hot.”
“So? You’re in Mozambique moving an orphanage, how cool is that?”
“I don’t care. I want to be somewhere else.”
“But that’s ridiculous, God wants you here, why would you want to be anywhere else?” “Well, I don’t really want to be somewhere else.”
“Then why aren’t you unhappy?”
“I don’t know.”
“Then choose to be happy.”
“I can’t.”
“Yes, you can.”
“But I don’t know how. It’s just soooo dang hot.”

The argument went on and on. We finished our work and went back to our contacts house all the while I was still arguing with myself and still very much unhappy. Finally I broke down and decided to give up on my own abilities to choose and instead go to God for help. It was amazing how the simple act of given up and going to God had such a dramatic effect on my attitude.