The World Race is going to be the most exciting thing I have ever done, but it’s something I can’t do on my own. I’m going to need to rely on God every step of the way. This is something I’ve struggled with in the past. I tend to go to God only after my own plans fail. During training camp, on what we called the Surrender Walk, we were told to ask God what thing in our lives we needed to surrender to Him. Immediately God told me to give up my freedom, my independence, my reliance on myself. Woah! Are you sure God? Couldn’t I give up something a little easier?
As part of the activity we were told to choose an object that represented what we were surrendering. I looked at leaves and rocks and flowers and other things you find in the woods, but nothing felt right. Then it hit me… I needed something living, something that had freedom and independence. I picked up a piece of bark and then found a small centipede to crawl around on the bark. However, when I wasn’t looking the centipede quickly escaped, leaving me with just a piece of bark and a long walk ahead of me.
Along the way I tried to find another living thing, but each time I’d find one it would crawl or fly away. As I was getting frustrated I heard God say “Well how do you think I feel?” It was a moment of realization for me as I recognized that I do the same thing: I go to God, I depend on Him, and then ever so sneakily I crawl away and follow my own way. That’s not the way it was meant to be. I need to continually rely on God for everything, even the things I think I can do myself. Once this understanding hit me, I felt God telling me that I was on the right path but not quite there yet. When I was finally ready to surrender my freedom He told me He would provide a bug for me. Ummm, okay God, a bug? Really? I took what God said and stored it away all the while still trying to find a bug on my own.
The pleasant walk around the lake quickly ended and the path turned into a steep uphill hike. Still without a bug I began the trek but was soon out of breath and tired. I knew I couldn’t do this on my own. My own strength had failed me once again, I needed God. I got to the top and collapsed on a pile of rocks, out of breath and upset with myself. The entire walk I had been struggling with the idea of giving up my independence. I know I need to, so why is it so hard to just depend on God? I know He has my best interest at heart and that His plans are far better than my own? Is it lack of trust? No, I trust God fully. Is it a control factor? Well, I do like to be in control. I give up God, I don’t know the answer, I don’t know how to give this completely over to you. I need you and that’s all there is to it.
As I was catching my breath and still struggling with the issue at hand I looked over and realized the path didn’t end here. Across the street was another steeper uphill hike. God, I can’t do this on my own. If I can’t even do this simple hike on my own how can I organize and run my life without you? “You can’t” was all He said.
At this stopping point in our journey there were two AIM staff who we were supposed to pray with. They would help us decide if we had surrendered or if we needed to head up the next hill and keep trying. I felt like I had finally come to a place of surrender, but I still didn’t have a bug to show for it. As I went to pray with Ashley I was prepping myself for the next uphill leg of the journey. I showed her my empty bark and explained that I was supposed to have something living, but I hadn’t been able to keep anything for more than a few seconds. She then pointed to my shirt and I saw the most wonderful sight, a small lady bug just sitting there. We both laughed and cried as I explained that God had promised me He would provide me with a bug when I was ready to surrender to Him. 
What an amazing God we serve! He can even control the insects! I know that surrendering my independence is going to be a continual process. There will be times that I fail to follow God and instead rely on my own strength, but I know that our loving Father is always waiting with arms wide open for my humble return. I pray that I look to God for guidance in everything I do: the easy, the hard, the impossible. He has a plan for me that far outshines any of my own, all I have to do is surrender to him.
And so the journey begins…..
