My squad-mates have been saying that some of us don't blog enough. I have to know they're talking about me, so here I am. Hope y'all are happy, V Squad, I'm blogging. The reason I don't blog as much is because I don't want to blog about nothing, that is I want to have something specific to say. If I just gave you a weekly update of my life it would say the same thing over and over again. Nobody wants to read that. Not even me. And I would've typed it. So I'll let you in on something I've been pondering recently…
Lately I've had a strange issue. I haven't been able to feel like anything I'm doing is real. Not in some existential or metaphysical way, but more like I don't feel anything from it. I'll give you an example. When thinking about the weather, we Mississippians hear about tornado watches and warnings on a monthly basis. They tell you to be careful, but there's no way that giant swirling cone of destruction is coming for your home. It's not real to you at that point. You can't see potential effects from that tornado because you're 99% sure it isn't gonna come for a visit. Welllll…. If you've been watching the news or the weather channel you'll see that one came for a visit in my lovely city of Hattiesburg, Mississippi. The giant swirling cone of destruction came right up our main road in town and did a number on us. Hattiesburg has been through many storms, hurricanes, and all kinds of weather but this tornado hit us particularly hard. Why? Because it was so sudden. Very suddenly did the tornado become real. Very suddenly the tornado had caused 63 injuries and over 300 buildings to be destroyed. And very suddenly did it leave again. Check the news. Search "Hattiesburg, MS Tornado Damage." You'll see.
This can be correlated to faith, I think. For some people they don't see their faith. It isn't real to them. They go to church. They sing the songs. They do their thing. Post some inspirational quote or scipture on Twitter and zone out until next Sunday. They plod through life without having any real affect on those around them. They've seen the "warnings" and "watches," but it isn't real. Just something they should keep in the back of their minds. Then suddenly…
SOMETHING HAPPENS IN THEIR LIFE AND IT BECOMES REAL
Suddenly we're consulting God again. Suddenly we're praying again. Suddenly we're trying to rely on Him again because the rug was pulled out from under us and we're SCARED. TO. DEATH. Then everything comes back to normal gradually and we find ourselves in our same little routines. Church on Sunday. Two Christian tweets a week. Try not to do too many sins.
I hate this. I absolutely abhor this routine. I think I hate it more because I find myself in it constantly. I call it being a "Career Christian." You know all the right keywords, motions, and make sure everyone sees you on Sunday. You've got something in your room with Philippians 4:13 on it and sometimes can be condescending. Career Christianity. It's the worst. The reason I'm typing this is because, like I said, I find myself being a typical Career Christian. My dad is even a pastor, so I might even be on a "Professional Christian" level. All of this hit me when I was at a Fellowship of Christian Athletes retreat recently. Basically this is when all of the different athletes in FCA from all of the colleges and universities in Mississippi get together at a ranch in the middle of nowhere and worship and fellowship. It's the best. But while I was in one of the sessions there was an altar call of sorts. People could go down front and pray if they wanted. Since I have horrible knees, whenever I wanna participate I just sit in my seat (cause if I got on one knee up front I would probably not be able to get back up unassisted). So I was sitting there and I started praying something I've prayed about a million times. "Lord, take my life in Your hands. I know I've sinned….. etc." We've all prayed it. But this time I was frustrated. I stopped myself mid-prayer and said no. I'm not going to pray this again. Not this way. Because every time I pray this I get about a month out of it before I go back to being a Career Christian. My pastor repeatedly says that insanity is defined as doing the same thing over and over again but expecting different results. Basically praying this same lukewarm prayer again was insanity. So I changed it a bit. I prayed that he would change in me whatever is keeping Him from changing me. Because it isn't God's fault that I'm an idiot. It isn't like His power is faltering. It's me. It's always me. It's something I need to change in my life. I want my faith to be real all the time. ALL. THE TIME. I'm sick of being a Career Christian. I think I knew this subconsciously, and I think God knew this all the time. And I think that's why I'm going on the World Race.
When talking with some of my friends about why I was going I told them that I wanted my faith to change radically. I wanted to be someone who trusts in God with everything. And the way I thought that this would happen is for me to leave my comfort zone. Thus, the World Race. Through this journey I want to become real. Not what I am now. I want to become a fully committed Christian through this in ways I could never imagine. As my interviewer said, "The Race isn't a cure-all. You aren't gonna come on it and suddenly everything is perfect." I realize this. But staying in Hattiesburg, doing the same thing over and over again while expecting different results is pure insanity. So I'm ready for the Race to become real and I'm ready to go. In fact, I'm that much more ready because as I was typing this my main backpack arrived at my house. I may or may not be wearing it now as I type this. And may or may not sleep in it.
Here's to becoming as real as that tornado!
P.S. Please do pray for Hattiesburg right now. There were a lot of people severely affected by the tornado, and could really use the help. Thanks guys!!
Wanna join me on this journey? Pray for me. Pray for V squad overall. Heck, pray for everybody who is and will be going on the World Race. It certainly couldn't hurt! If you want to contribute more I still need quite a bit of money to reach my first deadline, and would love for you to partner with me financially! Click the "Support Me" tab on the left hand side of this page or you could send a check in the mail to avoid the online processing fee. Send all checks to:
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