I’ve been struggling with how to write this blog. I mean, normally my first blog out of a country has to do with the people or the culture. Maybe even our ministry.
But not this one, I don’t think. I think instead I’ll talk about my love/hate relationship with this country. The Kingdom of Cambodia.
It seems that the devil has been fairly angry with ol’ W squad because he’s been pulling out the stops this month.
My squad and I have been through a lot already. My team personally has had 4 of our members go to see doctors. One person twice. I was even sick (acute amoebic dysentery ain’t no joke). People across the squad are sick, getting sick, or banged up in some way or another.
There has been warfare. Good grief has there been warfare. The lovely ladies of Team Phoenix can attest to that. But that’s not my story to tell. There’s a heaviness here. A kind of bleakness and darkness. It wears on me. Grinds me down.
Not to mention all of the random acts that have been going on around Team Catching Fire. We’ve had things stolen (and returned), been sick the whole time we’ve been here, and one time we literally caught fire. Apparently the wiring in the church we were staying in at the time had not been put in properly (no one was hurt). We’ve moved back and forth across Siem Reap. I haven’t felt grounded here since we arrived.
Our poor squad leaders have been run ragged taking care of and loving the squad. There are so many stories that will come out of this month. This country.
I can honestly say that for a bit there I hated this place. I hated what it was doing to my team. To my squad. I hated that it was hurting my friends. What it was doing to them. The sickness. Heartache. Fear. I was angry. Oh so angry. I just waited for the next punch. It’s next mighty blow. I was counting down the days until we left. Ready to just try again in Malaysia.
I was pretty frustrated with God. I couldn’t figure out why the heck all this was happening to us. My team could barely go a day without someone having to go to the doctor. Someone needing to rest. People in and out of the hospital. What good can we do if we’re always sick?! What good is letting ourselves get beaten to a pulp?! ARE WE EVEN MAKING A DIFFERENCE HERE?!
On top of all of this I was feeling off. Just stuck. Frustrated. Confined. I wasn’t clicking with my new team. I was missing my old one. I felt like I was just here. Just existing. It was a feeling I’ve felt before, and I was not a fan. God wasn’t really talking to me and I wasn’t really talking to Him. It was like a staring contest that I knew I had no chance of winning. Which made me even more frustrated.
This all happened over the course of 4 days. But don’t worry, here comes the reason I actually love this place.
I really can’t describe other than God is just so flipping big. We’ve met tons of missionaries in Siem Reap doing the good work. Full of encouragement and life. I couldn’t figure out how their spirits were so high. I mean, had they looked around? This place is ridiculous. But their passion was infectious. It encouraged me to take a second look.
Yesterday was the first time I was back at ministry in almost 4 days. I think it wore on me. To not be doing what I was called to do. To not be doing anything, really. Getting back to the village and seeing the amazing people there brought my love for this country to new heights.
Their faith is just so amazing. They are such a small contingent, but they are so faithful. So steadfast in what God has for them. So, so joyful. They weep as they worship. They pray fervently and with strength. They don’t seem to have doubts about what God can do. It was moving to have church with them. To be reminded of all those things.
Then I began to mull over all these things that have been happening to W Squad.
I realized how much we’ve all grown because of it. Catching Fire has grown closer through all of our happenings and illness. We’ve bonded through the constant junk. Other teams have as well. People have grown stronger through these situations.
We’ve learned more. We’re getting tougher. We’re World Racers and we’ve risen to the challenge.
This month is about half way over. There are PLENTY of opportunities for more insanity. More sickness. More everything.
But hey, we’re gonna be alright. More than that, we’re gonna hold our ground. And then we’re gonna fight back. We’re going to continue to run this race that has been set out before us and we are going to run well.
Lucifer doesn’t know who he’s messing with. We’re strong. I mean c’mon, we won squad wars.
Pray for the work to be done here. Not just by us, but by every current and future mission here. Cambodia is a tough country to be a Christian, but God is working some amazing things here. I can’t wait to see how it all plays out.
Gaining ground,
Seth
