Cambodia has come to an end. I’ve already left. In fact, I’m sitting in Malaysia right now.
But one last blog had to come out of Cambodia. Not one full of lamenting or frustration. But full of joy and promise.
All throughout debrief I kept hearing two repeating themes. Light and trust.
We kept hearing that light was bleeding through in this dark country. That the light was coming. That it was winning. That it was going to overcome. In fact, it already had. The light was here and we needed to trust it. Trust that God was bringing the light. Did that mean we had to understand the light? Know its movements? Figure out what it was doing? Make sure we were clear on the plan before-hand?
No. It did not. It does not. I think light and trust are my two biggest lessons from Cambodia.
After I wrote my last blog I was feeling fairly down. Better for having written it, but still down. That was about halfway through the month. Things got better around that time for us. Exponentially. I can only call what God did with logistics in Cambodia a miracle. Catching Fire was finally all healthy enough to go to ministry together. I got to preach! And actually thoroughly enjoyed it. But I still felt stuck.
I felt like I wasn’t moving at all. I could see my team moving forward, making strides. But I wasn’t going anywhere. Not backward. Not ahead. Just sitting. I couldn’t understand why. I wanted to understand why. I asked God to tell me why. Why couldn’t I get on board with my team? Why couldn’t I throw myself fully into ministry? Why did I feel like my feet were dragging? Why did I still feel so gross about this country?
I was reading all these amazing blogs from my squad about this place. The awesome things they were getting to do. But, here I was. Firmly rooted in place.
A great one-on-one with Lincoln (one of our new raised-up squad leaders) got the ball rolling for me. I wasn’t able to pour into the team because I wasn’t relating to them. I saw this head on, so I decided to try and do something about it. Still I didn’t understand what was holding me back. Or what we were doing in this country. But I was at least on the right track.
I still had a great many reservations. About the country. The team. The Race. Myself. I didn’t know what to do. I wanted clarity. I wanted to know what lie before me. I needed to know.
Around this time I heard a quote from a book called Ruthless Trust. It said something about clarity. In it a man asks Mother Theresa to pray for him. He asks her to pray for clarity for his life, so he can know what to do. Mother Theresa laughs, says she isn’t going to do that. She says he doesn’t need clarity. He needs TRUST.
Trust is what I need. Trust that whatever comes next is what I need. That whatever is over the next hill is what I need to be facing. That it might seem impossible or terrifying. But that’s where I need to be. I need to trust that God knows what’s best for me. And that I don’t need to know every move He makes.
It’s almost funny. Logistics takes so much faith. So much trust. Kyle and I put so much in God’s hands. At first we tried so much in our own strength, but it was clear that wouldn’t cut it. Now we bring everything to Him. We pray that He would do a work through us. That whatever needs to happen, would. That He would continue to take care of us with everything. He does it every single time. We have never been without a place to stay. A way to get somewhere. Last minute bookings. Amazing connections out of thin air. Provision getting documents. It ALWAYS works. It’s nothing short of a miracle at the end of every month.
For whatever reason I didn’t translate this into my daily life. I knew I needed faith and trust for logistics. But not for all the other things. It’s as if I had decided that God could handle all the logistics, but day to day was up to me. I could deal. Maybe ask Him for some help every now and again, but I had it covered. I would ask for Him to show me what was next or how to do something, but I wouldn’t trust that the way He did it was perfect.
At the end of the month I looked back on what we did. Who we met. Where we were. The light was everywhere. People were shining through the dark, gloomy, murk of Cambodia. Illuminating their country. Spreading their light. Pastor Sopeep and the villagers with their fervent, strong faith. Their amazing testimonies. The people of Common Grounds and People for Care and Learning. The pastors and organizations that W Squad partnered with. W squad itself! God is everywhere in that country. I can’t explain to you how fantastic it is. Just being able to see God in those people. Being able to see how God is moving.
He’s turning on the lights. Scattering the darkness. I didn’t trust that at first. I didn’t believe it was possible. It wasn’t until I was looking at it from afar that I realized how beautiful the country is. What potential and love can be found there. What incredible things are up next for Cambodia.
If my last blog had to do with being in the trenches of a warzone, then this one is more about how we took the hill. How God is leading his army to victory. How he’s flooding Cambodia with light, love, and healing.
It’s exciting. I’m excited just writing this blog. Only God could turn a month that was plagued with illness, theft, warfare, and uncertainty and turn it into something so beautiful.
Trust in every situation. That’s what Cambodia taught me. A valuable lesson. One I’m so grateful for. Trust that the light is there even when I don’t see it. Trust that God is always working.
Pray for the continued work in Cambodia. Life that country up high. Go to it. Seriously. Find a way to go to Cambodia and see for yourself. Serve there. You won’t regret it. You might not see it at first, but God is there. Winning the battle. Brining the light. M’ friends, it’s simply fantastic.
Setting my sights on Malaysia with a new vigor in my veins. Ready to go. Ready to do what’s asked of me. Ready to see what He has next. Trusting that whatever it is, that it will be fantastic. Ready to see where the light is in this country. Ready to go.
Seth
