I mentioned earlier that my team and I prayed for a lady to receive her sight. I thought I prayed with boldness and an expectation that the Lord would heal her. After nothing happened, my team and I prayed for her a second time. Nothing again. A couple days later my team and some others went to her house and prayed for her. Still nothing.
I found myself questioning God: Lord, I refuse to believe that you want this lady to suffer of blindness, lying in her bed all day. Why don’t you heal her and so save her and her family? Surely they will come to believe after seeing this great miracle. If you are so powerful and benevolent, why don’t you do this thing? I know the god I am serving is what the Bible says about Him, but if that’s true, then why doesn’t he do something?
Then I questioned my faith: Is God real? Is He really capable? Is all of this service really worth it? There is so much I don’t understand. And the more I know of Him, the more I realize I don’t understand. Is this really true?
I know He is what He says He is, and that I have no choice but to believe that His ways are higher than my ways. Now I am struggling with expecting the Lord to work. The Bible says when we pray, to pray with expectations. How am I supposed to do this when the Lord doesn’t do His part? I want so badly to see the Lord work miracles.
This was my prayer this morning:
Oh Lord, why do you delay in performing miracles and wonders? Don’t you want to make yourself known to everyone? Don’t you want to save people from their sufferings? I can only give it to you and trust that your ways are higher than my ways. Just fill me enough that I can pray with the expectation of healing each time. Let me not lose faith. I know you are good, but I am weak and so finite in thought. I will continue to pray with obedience, only meet me there. Sustain me and give me the strength to obey.
Satan is continually attacking me in many different areas I have never been attacked with before… or maybe I never realized it before. But the Lord is my strength and my deliverer. I will find comfort in the shadow of His wings.
A piece of info: My team will be leaving for Cambodia tomorrow morning. We will be working with a church, teaching English to youth, and with an orphanage 10 miles away. There was a January World Race team there previously who created relationships and saw fruit. Please pray that the work began there will be continued through my team, team ignite. I would particularly like to have opportunities to disciple boys in their faith. Many of them are hungry for the Lord.
