I’m currently in the Philippines, and this has been my toughest week on the world race- by far! It hasn’t been the ministry or the living conditions or anything like that, and I’m not home sick. It has simply been the unexpected! I’m not able to go into details, but I feel like the lord placed me on a rock in the middle of a storm, and he’s the rock. The Lord has been “the lamp upon my feet,” my comfort and my guiding hand- but it hasn’t been easy, it’s been quite painful at times.
During my time in China my heart and mind was flooded with the Lords truths. I had a hunger for the word that I had yet to have on the race. I couldn’t get enough for some reason. I underlined everything, I kept thinking, “it doesn’t help to underline everything.” But I couldn’t stop; I think I underlined almost every word of Acts, Romans, and a lot of Corinthians. On a different day I wrote in my journal the entry below. It’s during this present time I realize why.
China-12/16th 2007
If I can’t endure the hardships here, how can I do it there?
If I struggle to show love here, how can I do it there?
If I’m distracted here, how much more will I be there?
If I struggle to pray and worship here, why do I think I’ll do it there?
“There” is where we begin to reveal the true beauty of the bride (The church.) When we finally die to self. When someone asks, “Are you alive?” And you can finally say “no, but so happy that I can not live.” “There” is where Brother Yun, Sir. Francis Drake, Paul, Martin Luther King, and many others around the world who are “tipped” are. Where Jesus is and where he calls us to be!
If I handle small responsibilities poorly, how could God trust me with the big?
If I think I’m persecuted here, how much more will I be there?
If I think I’m lonely here how much more will I be there?
If I think I’ve suffered for the sake of Christ here, how much more will I suffer there?
If I can’t hear the voice of God here, how will I there?
If I don’t rise up here why would I there?
If I think I walk in the armor of God here, how much brighter will it shine there?
If I think I walk in the power and authority of God here, what about there?
If I think I’ve seen the glory of God here, what about there?
If I think I take joy in my sufferings here, how much more will I there?
If I think I’m a Christian here, what about there?
This is my refinement and I’ve committed to it! In and out of the fire I go. From the hot burning furnace to the cold solidifying water and back into the fire again, every time taking more shape and being made stronger. This refinement is far from being finished, but it’s at this stage I can see shape taking form. I envision a slight smile on the Lords face, sweat dripping from his brow and then a shift in his countenance to love and strength as he places me back in the fire. And I, his son, have given permission, if you can call it that. I asked Him to make me into the man I desire to be. I told him, “I want to be a part of your army, a part of the generation you rise up.” He is answering my prayer. When a blacksmith shapes metal it doesn’t know what it’s being made into. It was in its raw form when it was taken from the earth, unattractive without purpose or shape. Only after the refining fire could it be used for its purpose. I don’t fully understand my purpose or what shape I’m taking, I just know God’s good!
One of my teammates, Jane Kim, gave me this word while we were in China.- talk about crazzy-! “I saw a dark room or blackness-but the only thing that I could see was a small flame and nothing else. Then I got an image of a furnace- I kept getting the the image- in it were coals- very hot like white heat. The Lord is saying he is going to put you in a refiners fire to burn away all the crap, gunk and junk. Be at peace about it. I see a hand telling you to come beckoning you.”
I hope I haven’t been to vague. But the important thing is what the lord is doing in me, I hope you catch my heart in this. I have peace during this time, but I ask for your prayers as I very much need them.
Much love to you all!
