Fidel

Fidel is 24 years old and is a quadriplegic.  Although his body is almost nonfunctioning
he is mentally %100.  I can’t
imagine being trapped in a body like his and having the mind that I have!

Writing a blog and posting a picture of him seems so
insensitive to me and I don’t know why! 
Maybe it’s because I feel he disserves more and that I really don’t know
if I did anything positive in spending time with him this week! I hope I did!

I’ve been in Antigua for 1 week with team (Hotmess) and
during this week I’ve spent three days with Fidel..  Today was my last day in Antigua before I leave to be with
team (E2) in Panajachel.  As I left
the hospital today I asked myself if I spent enough time with Him?  Was I genuinely interested in him and
the things he had to say!?  Was I
visiting him to appease my own conscience or were my actions really rooted in
love?!  Why does he have that body
and why do I have mine?  Will he
ever have the gift of a female companion? 
Why have I ever felt entitled to such things when so many never get the
opportunity?!

I know all the right answers, and I’m really not seeking
any, I’m just being honest! 

Fidel is amazing. 
He can do with his feet what I can’t do with both hands!  He can paint, use a computer, steer his
remote control wheel chair and can speak two languages.  But where he lives feels so dark and
cold to me!  He has no privacy and
very little freedom.  In the midst
of all this he finds purpose and joy, even though it’s not always easy!  He chooses life and is thankful for
what he has!

In the end, I have to admit, I visit Fidel not just for him,
but also for me!  I’m desperate to
learn from him.  He has taught me
so much just by watching him.