So a lot has happened in the past couple weeks. We had our big squad debrief in Nelsprut, South Africa for 5 days. During these debriefs that we have every couple of months we have time to just take a break from ministry, have team meetings about our last month of ministry and just spend time loving on each other. Everyone loves these times with our squad because it’s a great time to catch up with other teams you haven’t seen in a month. Of course I was also super excited at the chance to get to go on a real African safari while we were there. But God had slightly other plans for me and my squad during this past debrief. I ended up getting a massive stomach infection that lead to some painful ulcers, incredibly high fever, the chills, body aches, low heart rate, and shortness of breath.
Basically God was throwing everything at me to just try and slow me down for once. Anyone who knows me well enough, knows that I don’t like admitting weaknesses or taking time to take medicine or see doctors when I’m sick. Both of these things are of course coming right from my massive issues with pride. I had been dealing with getting rid of my pride and working on humility for the past few months after a good friend of mine kindly rebuked me in love for my pride and stubbornness, I owe a lot to that girl. So finally God said enough is enough, “You need to stop worrying about issues with your team, the stress of being a new leader, and these ridiculous lies that the devil is feeding you.”
Step one to letting go of pride: Admitting that you are not invincible and you have weaknesses.
During those 5 days of being sick at debrief my squad all got to go to Kruger National Park for a safari. This had been a dream of mine since I was about 7 or 8 years old! Did I also mention that Kruger safaris are ranked 3rd in all of Africa for the best experience you can have!!! Needless to say after much soul searching I relented my pride and said that I wouldn’t be able to physically make it to go to this adventure and with tears streaming down my face I watched all of my new family drive away for the time of their lives.
Step two to letting go of pride: Letting people serve you.
This 2nd step is not something that really seems that difficult to do unless you have a huge dose of pride and stubbornness sitting on your shoulders. It seems pretty nice to let people get things for you, carry things for you, and just help you out whenever you need it. But for me, the idea of letting someone carry a bag for me means they obviously think I’m not strong enough to do it myself or if someone offers to bring you some food while your sitting on the couch is like saying “since your to lazy to get up yourself….”. Most of these issues came up when a guy on my squad would offer to do things for me because of my bad back or just to be nice. But since I’m a “strong, independent woman”, I loathe the idea of a guy thinking that I need his assistance with something because I’m not strong enough or smart enough to do it on my own. Of course with the men on my squad this is not the case, they all offer to help out of a Godly love for me. During my time of sickness I had so many people offering to help me out with everything. People were rallying around me with prayers of healing, getting me water and crackers, getting my blankets and medicine, helping me walk around, and even cramming into my little room to have our leadership meetings so I could lay in bed. It was such a hard thing for me to allow myself to completely depend on the help of others. God was definitely using my illness to teach me about allowing people to serve me without gritting my teeth the whole time, which is one way I’m working towards more humility through the grace of God.
See what happens next in my blog: Pride comes before a fall…(Part 2)
