There has been a constant theme that has been playing out so far on my race, being able to climb to the highest point in the area. In India, Nepal, South Africa, and now Swaziland, we were able to go to the highest point in the area. A couple days ago, instead of doing ministry, we were able to go on a (14.5 mile) hike instead of doing ministry. Our team was able to enjoy the beauty of Swaziland which is truly a breathtaking country. While we were hiking, far in the distance, we could see a hill with a cell tower on it. I told our Swazi guide that our team was going to make it to that hill, he laughed and said “No, no no it is to far.” As a team we just kept walking and walking, and 8 miles later we made it to the top of the hill, we reached the highest point in Manzini.
When we got to the cell tower, there was a security guard stationed there who allowed us to climb to the top. Climbing to the top of the cell tower entailed us using a ladder straight up around 200 feet, with the tower noticeably swaying side to side in the strong wind. I haven’t been scared of heights for almost 12 years, but at this tower, I felt like I was 11 again and I got so scared climbing up that cell tower. I was filled with a noticeably real fear, I was so scared that I started saying “holy **** ” with every rung of the ladder. Ultimately, it got to the point that I was truly the most scared that I have ever felt in my life. To put these feelings into perspective, I have had someone pull a knife on me before, and even that didn’t equal climbing to the top of the cell tower. I somehow willed my way to the top of the cell tower, my hands shook uncontrollably and with my pulse raced while I was clinging to the very top of the cell tower. But being so scared just didn’t make any sense to me, why was I so scared?
The next day, I wasn’t able to go to ministry because of some of the fruit I ate on the hike, which didn’t sit well with my stomach. I decided to have some time with the Lord and get to the bottom of why I became so scared while I was climbing to the top of the cell tower. I asked God over and over again, “God why was I so scared?” This is a simple question, yet I received an answer that I wasn’t expecting. God replied quite quickly to my question, quicker then He normally does with me. God replied, “Because I made you scared Scott.” What the… Seriously? My blood boiled when I heard these words. Why would God make me so scared?! It didn’t make any sense. “Why?!” I yelled out loud, “why would you do that to me?!” “To see if you would come to me for help,” God replied. My heart immediately sank, my anger turned into sadness, and I hung my head down in shame. And then God said the words that I knew to be true, but that I was hoping He wasn’t going to say. “Scott, you need to come to me with everything, not just with what you want to bring to me.”
This is a constant problem for me, I don’t go to the Lord with everything, even the little things that seem insignificant. I like to pick and choose what I go to God with. I go to him with the big things, the problems that I am struggling with, or the great joys that I experience. But everything that is left in between, the decent problems, and the normal joys that I experience, I leave to myself. God wants all of me, all of my joys, and all of my problems, but I haven’t been allowing Him into those parts of my life. This is something that I promise to start doing and something that I challenge you to start doing as well.
Make God a part of every part of your life, even if you don’t think you need him in that area. Because I have learned that first, everything with God is always better, and second God wants to be there with you in everything you do.
