We are having our debrief here on Koh Samet Island, somewhere in the bay off the coast of Bangkok. We left the sprawling capital yesterday at a little after noon, in nice air conditioned buses. Linnea and I sat in the second row, behind Josh and Rusty, and next to Jake. Seth was sitting in the aisle, catching up with us and talking about the future. My head is full of dreams and options and we have been praying about what is next and how will it happen. Seth also had some options and it is exciting to discuss what could be.
This ‘World Race’ has been life changing. When I brought home the information on this adventure for Linnea to read, she cried. She just wasn’t ready. I really wasn’t either, but the thoughts of what this adventure could be were thrilling. Probably the same dopamine rush a guy has when he gets a crush on a girl but doesn’t want to ruin what could be by talking to her, I was not sure we would really pursue this crazy idea. I didn’t know if it was just a crazy idea that I would play with to take my mind off of present reality, to take my mind off of the boredom of everyday life or the worries of not actually being in control (that is what is really funny to me, when I don’t pursue a dream because I am worried about failure, as if success were guaranteed in the lifestyle I am currently pursuing…I would say success is never guaranteed anywhere, but failure is a guarantee when not pursuing success. What I mean is, I certainly will fail in achieving my dreams if I don’t pursue them, but this failure is what the majority of people are achieving and who do I think I am if I pursue a dream? Will everyone laugh at me if I fail? No, of course not, no one really cares, because everyone is worrying about themselves….I believe this is called the ‘personal fable’, that we are the center of someone else’s thoughts…that others are really thinking about our own success or failure.)
To me the idea of the World Race was so big that I thought it would only be possible if there were actually a God, which brings me to another thought. How many Christians are worried or upset because someone they know thinks that the Christian beliefs are insane? Of course what we believe is insane, and we cling to our religion, almost mindlessly hoping we have some belief that will be accepted by the majority and are offended when someone stomps on our ‘belief’. Why do we keep hoping we will be accepted by mainstream culture? The church is so weak and ineffective, despite its resources (check out Revelation 3:14-22, the church of Laodicea, isn’t this the American church? who is ‘he who overcomes?’) because we have totally ignored Romans 12:2, we have conformed to the patterns of the world, and we hope that somehow people will want to believe in our God when we are living the same as those that do not believe in this almighty wild God?
When Linnea and I got married we were determined to live a life that proved the existence of this God, a water walking God, a life with promises of adventure and abundance, a life that might look a little risky, and not exactly ‘Christian’ or ‘religious’. I have been determined for years not to live a life having a form of ‘godliness’ or religion yet denying its power, and the ‘World Race’ looked like a perfect fit.
So, as we pursued the ‘World Race’ we asked God to shut the door if it were not his plan for us. Surely an all powerful God could do this, right church? So with the doors flung wide open and incredible support from friends and family and home church, I needed to have the cajones to follow the path I had prayed that God would direct? How many times do we pray for something and then, like a neuter, back down as soon as the going gets a little tough? Even out here on this adventure there has been many times where I wanted to tuck my tail and flee, and the only reason I didn’t was the effort that would take. The bravest thing I could do was ask for prayer and admit once again that I was not the brave ballsy man that I always try to say I am in my blogs…obviously, I hope for the people reading these, half the time I am trying to put into words the man I want to be and the life I want to live, and then I need to pursue this…I guess some personal pep talks or something. So people pray for us, they support us, they show faith in us and encourage us and we hold on a little longer. We learn to take this one day at a time, and then we have 24 hours like we have just had, and it all starts to make sense.
When we were planning this adventure, raising support, sharing the dream, people would ask what we were going to do after this? Go back to our jobs? We had jobs we loved, clients I loved and respected. The business was just really taking shape after all the work, but I couldn’t be happy with a thirty year successful career in what I was pursuing, I had more germinating in my heart. The dreams were growing with the man, I guess. As God worked on me, I began to trust his leadership, and going into the World Race, I figured I could always go back to the career, but really felt that while we were out here, God would open more doors when the timing was right. If God can’t do that, maybe he is just a statue of Mary in a bathtub on the front lawn or a brass reclining Buddha, or a plaster Jesus, but I would have to take my chances. I can’t fathom mindlessly doing the church and job thing, meanwhile missing out on everything God wanted for me.
So, here I am, blissfully ignorant of the challenges ahead of me, blind to the future failures and only dreaming of the possibilities…who has energy for pessimism?
