When I was asked what I would do with the money if I were given 98 million dollars today, I paused, and the person who asked me the question said that I did not have dreams. While I feel that at the moment I am in a necessary stage of the development of my dreams, I would say that I do not have a fully planned out and detailed understanding of my ‘dreams’ or how to pursue these dreams.
At this stage of my understanding, I would say I am pursuing the dreams, even as I don’t have a clear vision of ‘the dream’. I believe that our dreams grow with us, that as I grow as a man, the dream grows. I believe my direction in life, my motivation has grown in direct relationship to God’s revelation to me, both of who He is and who I am. As I understand God, understand eternity better, I have been more able to pursue any dreams.
For me, life has taken the process of changing motivations, I believe I went to college to make my parents happy, while I mostly was interested in good times, girls, and weightlifting. I took a job because that is the responsible thing. I worked a job that was tough, moving furniture, I was proud of my abilities, slept well at night, and was well paid for it. After college I continued with this job, because I was not ready to pursue a career, and the first steps in pursuing the career in personal training was going to be a step of faith and a decrease in income.
This step in my journey, of moving from a job I was secure in to a job that was more in line with my dreams (truer to who I am) would be a step of faith and a sacrifice. It would mean abandoning the guys I worked with. It would mean abandoning an ego prop which knew I was good at what I was doing, to step into a field that 95% of would-be trainers drop out of in the first year. What if I failed? That would hurt. The motivation for pursuing this job was hoping to find personal happiness, I guess. Self-fulfillment, as the job in moving did not answer the deeper questions for me.
I wonder if each stage, each job, each dream pursued teaches us a little about life, God, ourselves, but at some point the experience or stage is drained of what it has to offer. Then it is time to redream? Pursue a new thing?
I believe leaving behind security is a major fear in pursuing dreams. The life we have built to feel some sense of security and pride needs to be abandoned in the pursuit of our dreams, and we need to be willing to face the consequences of this decision. What if we fail? What will our family and friends say? Hearing “I told you so” is often worse than the failure itself. What is the worst that can happen if we fail? Can our ego handle it? That seems to be the biggest risk, a perceived threat to our ego, because for most of us failure would not equal death. It is our pride that thinks that insult to our ego is tantamount to death. The worst that can happen to us is death? What about our children or wives or husbands? Don’t we need to think about them?
I would say that it is our understanding of God which is most suspect if we are paralyzed in the pursuit of our dreams. Do we as Christians honestly believe in Jehovah Jireh? An all powerful God who loves us and is able to provide for our needs? Do we believe in a God who designed us for a purpose? Designed us with Destiny in mind? Put His desires in our hearts? Do we believe in a loving Father who is more than able, a loving Father who loves to give us good gifts? I would say that for me this is the understanding of God that I have trouble with in my heart, but know intellectually is the God of our Bible, a God that designed us to pursue him and to pursue life.
In the story of the talents, when the master entrusted his servants with the talents, the servant who buried his talent did so because he viewed his master as a hard man and was afraid of him. It was this servant that was called wicked and lazy. For me pursuing a dream is what the God I understand designed us for. God did not design us for safety and security, he IS our safety and security. We need to live in a pursuit of truly understanding God as our loving Father. I don’t think that we will really trust God as our loving Father without facing our fears and going for our dreams.
This experience of going out on the world race was a step into understanding God as our provider and safety and security. I had pursued my own dreams, and God blessed them. The desires in my heart of career goals and hobbies were pursued and attained. I believe in my life, God proves himself through these little things which enable us to trust more each time, to pursue him more.
Every step along the way, from meeting my future wife to living with small steps of faith has led us to a point where new dreams are being formed. With each new dream comes new risks and challenges and fears. Will I get out of the boat again, knowing that each time I have before, I have felt failure, my ego has been bruised, I have gotten wet and tired of swimming, but at some point, Jesus has pulled me to my feet and I have been able to find a comfort where at first I saw only risk. Each time God proves that he is the safety and security.
So as I type this, new dreams are being painted for us, new fears and questions and obstacles stand before us, where do we go? What do we do? I just trust that as I search for God today, trust that I am where God wants me to be today, then a year from now I will still be where God wants me. If I am not in that place next year, I trust that God would make this obvious to me, even if it presents itself through a simple feeling of unrest. Or a deep desire for something more.
