Every day it seems I have a new culture shock. It feels like some kind of social anxiety, not the real social anxiety that I have heard about, but I start making stupid jokes, and I know they are stupid because I am the only one laughing.
We approached the church, and we had to wait as people piled out and jumped into their cars. White women with make up and bleached hair, followed by a bunch of clean children. The family piles into their vehicles and merge into the traffic of so many people heading to their Sunday dinners.
The church building is a large brick structure, and we learn that they are building a bigger sanctuary, how much money they still need to raise is shown on a sign. We pull into the parking lot, find a space and head to the door. I am feeling a little jittery, this is like how I felt after six months of camping and hanging out with just guys and then coming back to civilization and sitting to a spot at a table and having more than one utensil to use.
We found a pew and crowded in, I read the announcements as they ran across an electronic screen in front of us. I made sure to avoid eye contact with strangers, like I was taught in first grade: Stranger= Danger! The floor was totally carpeted and on stage was a bunch of electric guitars, speakers, drums, and a keyboard. The pastor and the worship leaders had wireless mics. I think this is the first church with a carpet that we have been in in a long time, maybe since Buenos Aires (see my blog, Mega Church, the Auction).
I had a lot of thoughts running through my head, spinning and changing shapes, my ADD on total space out, my brain like a lava lamp on crack. I have grown so used to the smaller rural churches this year, the mud floors, mud walls, or worship under a tent with a translator. Singing the same song over and over, in a language I don’t understand. Being asked to preach or bring some type of word or story. To people who are humble and unpretentious and joyful…maybe I am the most pretentious person in these churches?
I sat in the pew, battling the attitudes and judgmental thoughts (and trying not to stare too long at the women all clean and made up, fight the battle Man of God!), I always seem to judge us white people as being so pretentious, and it takes so much energy for me to relax. I was worried about meeting people during ‘fellowship minute’ and worried about any probing questions. Worried that people would expect me to be some Godly person who spoke the best ‘Christianese’, most of the time I feel like I would really let someone’s expectations of a ‘missionary’ down.
The service started. I love the electric guitars and keyboard and drums. I love the volume. I love being able to know the words to the songs we are singing. We sang a bunch of songs I know, and the words were there for me to read on the electronic, uh, word thing. Then we were introduced, briefly, and we did not have to say anything…YAY! Fellowship minute came and went and I did not have to astound anyone with the wisdom of a missionary (“always carry toilet paper.”?)
Then the pastor started in. I realized just how much I love a sermon to be linear. Clear points, maybe spoken with conviction and power, but no unnecessary emotionalism or show. I feasted on a spiritual buffet, so much meat to chew here! This was no feel good gospel, he was sticking it to us, and I loved it!
This service is the church’s only English service, as the rest are in Afrikaans. The pastor would later speak about how happy he is with the English service, because of the ‘rainbow’ nature of it. There was a pretty good dispersement of socio economic and ethnic backgrounds represented here. The crowd I watched file out when we first arrived is the Afrikaans crowd, and they were pretty homogenous (check out Seth’s blog on the ‘too white’ church). The pastor said he believes that God has told him the English version is where the church would continue to grow, the ‘rainbow’ quality will be most blessed here by God.
This culture feels the way that the 1960’s America looks in the pictures. Two separate groups of people, beginning to come together (what happened to the continued process? The church should set the tone for this, and my experience is we are the most behind! But I am not sure how to be a part of this trend, other than my having to go to a church where I might be the minority! Maybe I have to stop waiting for the church to change?).
The pastor’s message sounded like he stole Andrew’s (check out Andrew’s blog: www.andrewshearman.com) notes on the whole Moses and coming out of Egypt thing. About how Moses put in such a long struggle, one failure to the next, for 80 years after he ran away from Pharoah, just to be denied the Promised Land at the end of his life. Makes me wonder, is all this worth it? If Moses seems like such a failure? But then he is there for the transfiguration, how about them apples? It seems that Moses could lead the people out of Egypt, but he never could get Egypt out of the people (sound familiar Andrew?)
The premise of the whole sermon was walking in faith, that all of life is grace, every single detail in life is a miracle. Everything is grace, it is all God. The pastor said that faith is the absence of fear, but I am not sure I agree (and I love my opinion). I believe faith is acting despite our fears. Loving in a way that drives out fear. Trusting God, believing his promises and his voice more than the lies of fear. But maybe someday that road will lead to the absence of fear, I am not there yet.
By the end of the service, I was moved, I was convicted, I wanted to continue on this road that gets so bumpy and hard. I had overcome my feelings of discomfort in this culture. I realized there are just certain ways different people do things, and I need to learn to just worship God in each culture, again because that is how the throne of God looks (Rev 7:9).
