I was going through my notebook earlier, to review stuff from debrief and anything else I thought of enough to actually write it down. I have a journal, I have tried to keep a journal, probably since the days of Doogie Howser, M.D. Trying to be disciplined about journalling has always frustrated me, I will do well for a couple of days, then pick it up a month later. Paperwork in school or on the job always confuses me, and I tend to keep everything in my head, I used to know everyone’s phone numbers by heart, but that came to an end when Linnea and I started dating, and I got a cell phone.
So, I rummaged through the random notes I keep, and realized I had a couple of stories I wanted to put here.
I guess I am more of a skeptic than I ever thought I was. Hanging out with this pentecostal group has shown me this. One reason I came on this world race and was attracted to AIM was I knew how much I needed to grow in faith and in intimacy with God. I am looking for this balance in life of walking by faith, being responsible, hoping for miracles, and using the brain God gave me.
I am trying to put the thoughts together from the random notes I kept….
Seth was speaking about the stages of initiation, or Jesus’s discipleship style. Seth was speaking on the stage called DEPENDENCE. My notes ask if America is a lost cause, my mother-in-law asked if her generation was a lost cause, and according to my infallible notes, the answer is NO!
The verse that goes with these notes is from Ezekiel 12:22-25. God says the days are coming when every vision will come true. The days are coming when dreams will come true. The end of a cynical quote that basically said “every vision comes to nothing”.
It is never too late. To reach the stage of DEPENDENCE, one must first ABANDON, and be BROKEN. After DEPENDENCE we enter the EMPOWERMENT stage. Again, this is a process, a lifelong process of having our eyes be opened to God, of finding our identity in God. This identity comes before our role, which is something we often get confused.
It is so difficult for us (me) to know what any of this actually means. As an american I have so many options, so many crutches which get in the way of actually full dependence on God. Seth told some stories of how dependence looks in other countries.
One of the countries down here has a church of 10000 people. People who have learned dependence. For them it was much too late. To be a member in this church, one must have tested positive for AIDS. This church is exclusive. Millions of people would love to be in this church. So many people want to be in this church because to be a member one must have proof of their positive AIDS test, and proof that they no longer have AIDS. A certificate which says they are now HIV-. God has healed thousands of people here of AIDS, simply because they had faith…I say that too easily, I have no idea why God heals some and not others, but these people have proof that He does.
Seth said this church is a radical church. I bet.
Missionaries in the militant Islamic countries learn to be dependent on God. Christians in these countries learn dependence. I can’t imagine actually being in a situation where I could be killed for my faith. Muslims who hear the gospel, who hear about a loving God (I guess that is one difference), somehow wake up to the truth, and then face death upon this realization.
Seth told the story of a woman whose eyes were opened to Jesus. Her muslim husband was beside himself, and knew he had to kill her. So he did. But they had children, 2 sons, a four year old and a six month old. What would he do with them? The youngest was still nursing! So he later dug up the casket and put the children in with their mother, and reburied the casket. The children were alive.
I have heard it said that we serve the 11th hour God. That God loves to wait until all we have is hope in Him. That God is seldom early, but never late. When my mother in law (I hope I understood the email correctly) asked if I thought it were too late for her generation (after she read the ‘Popcorn’ blog), I wrote back, thinking first that if we have breath, we have hope. Then I thought about the stories of near death experiences and thought maybe even when someone is dead it is not too late.
The children had been entombed with their dead mother for 15 days when a relative of the muslim man died. I don’t understand why, but the casket with the woman and the children was dug up. Fifteen days of being under the soil, and voices were heard in the casket. The children were still alive!
How was it possible for this to happen? (I don’t know what ever happened to the dad) The four year old was asked…”How did you survive?”
“A man came and fed me”, replied this four year old muslim boy, “a man dressed in white, with blood flowing from his hands and feet and sides came and fed me”. This boy had never been taught about Jesus, had never heard the gospel, had no idea why this man had holes in his hands and feet and sides.
“What about your brother?” This boy was too young to eat solid food.
The boy explained, “The man woke mommy up and she nursed him”.
As I think about what it means to be dependent, as I worry about tomorrow, worry about the future, think about wanting to start a family and wonder “how will I provide?”, I am not sure I am ready to live a dependent life. Even as my every breath depends on God.
