I had been up in the middle of the night, worried that I was going to BARF. I was sweating, and my stomach was roiling, but I had no regrets. I had tried to plow through a whole warthog leg for dinner. It was crazy. Eisbein, that was what the menu called it. Roast Warthog leg. Picture a ham, but more gamey, the meat a little tougher. The night before I had a plate with impala, kudu, and eland on it. The prices were amazing, and the time with Linnea was a blessing.
Because I have been struggling so much with some issues, issues which if someone else explained them to me, I would think the issues are petty, but I am truly struggling with these issues. I got told by Chad for us to take some time away from the team. For a million reasons, it took a couple days before we got away, and I wish I could have spent more time away.
I was sitting at the table at breakfast (watching the peacocks and ostrich) and the Counting Crows’ album, “August and Everything After” came on. Every song brought back memories. It is hard to believe that this album came out 14 years ago, makes me feel pretty old. Fourteen years ago. Driving around in my two thousand dollar Bronco, with the three thousand dollar sound system, with my brother and my buddies on the rainy Saturdays in Lynchburg, Virginia. Six years ago, my sister made me a tape that had this album on it, and I would listen to it over and over again as I hiked for hundreds of hours on the Appalachian Trail.
The song “Time and Time Again” has a line in it “maybe some day I won’t be so lonely, and I will walk on water every chance I get”.
Every time I hear this song that line sticks in my head. For years I was lonely, I am not anymore, thank you Jesus. But, do I walk on water every chance I get? That question has been with me since breakfast this morning.
This question has followed me…as I drove our rental car, a Volkswagen Golf ‘Chico’, through the busy streets of Nelspruit. Driving on the right side of the car (the right), on the wrong side of the street (the left). This is the first time I have actually been at the wheel on the wrong side, shifting the five speed with my left hand. They put reverse where I am used to having first, and the car loved to find third gear at any speed. At least the pedals are the same, I can’t imagine trying to clutch with my right foot, my knuckles were white on the wheel and my forehead was beaded with sweat, brow muscles cramping, as I had to think about every step of the drive, and do I walk on water, every chance I get?
What is so appealing about this phrase “walk on water”? What is the inner urge or impulse that makes a man need to get out of the boat? Why risk getting wet, taking a swim, failure? Why face the wind and the waves? Did Peter actually SEE (Matthew 14:30) the wind? Or just the effects of the wind? Or had Peter the fisherman (I would assume this guy had been on a windy see before) ignored the conditions and jumped on to the water before he thought of the consequences? Is this just his being irresponsible?
What are the consequences of trying to walk on water every chance we get? Might they cause some pain? For Peter, it led to his watching his own wife get crucified before his eyes. It led to him being crucified upside down (according, I believe to the historian Eusebius, if I am wrong, correct me someone). I wonder if seeing the wind prepared him? I wonder if seeing the resurrected Jesus had anything to do with this, especially after he was forgiven by Jesus for denying him 3 times? He of “little faith”.
Just before I finally stopped procrastinating as I sit here, I read Seth’s blogs from the last two days, and the question was amplified. How do we pursue our dreams? How do we walk on water?
I’m not sure any of us have it figured out yet, but I will try, Time and Time Again.
