I am being taught that we need to learn to be unoffendable. I have also just been taught to take responsibility for how others perceive me. From the comments I receive on my blogs, I realize that what I am thinking about and blogging about can be offensive to some. Now, should I tell people it is pride in them that is offended? Or do I tell nice little lies so people perceive me as a nice little guy and read my blogs and are validated and I keep my thoughts to myself?
I don’t think I can find an adequate answer here, and wonder if I should start with a disclaimer that the reader does so at his own risk?
As I live in community, I am learning many of my weaknesses. My personal delusion continually is offended. A son of God? Me? That is one I am trying to swallow. Grace. Mercy. Patience. Forgiveness. I suck so bad at these that I am surprised I can spell them. I can’t give these to myself, never mind others. I say these words when I pray, but is there any evidence in my life that I have any understanding of these?
There is evidence of grace in my life, from God to me. I am alive. My body still basically functions. I am not in jail. I have plenty of stored energy in my skin. I have a beautiful wife who I don’t deserve. That is my transition here. My beautiful, undeserved, gift from God. All the estrogen I can (can’t?) handle. Most men I know can’t even handle loving their wife. I won’t claim I even have that down. Never mind trying to understand a bunch of other women.
Ha. Me and women. As far as having a feminine side goes, that is my wife. Before that, there was no feminine side. Whose fault is that? I remember my mom not being to happy when I was baptized and my interests were listed as football, weightlifting, wrestling, and kickboxing. I developed my masculine identity in those sports, in the gym, and later as part of a moving company. Women were what I stared at and did not understand. It is totally by God’s grace that I am happily married, and a huge miracle that I am sure Linnea would also say she is happily married.
So…trying to lead a team of women. I have no clue. That is the truth. It is not the women’s fault that I just don’t get them. Compiled on the gender gap is our personalities. In our “Leading From Your Strengths” test, I found out that I am a Lion. I am task oriented and quick paced. I don’t really enjoy emotional stuff, and value my own opinion highly. I miss details. I am a poor communicator. I am too honest? Whether it was the test or just knowing who I am, those are facts, at least as I type. God can change me, and I know I need his help.
The girls on our team are mostly Golden Retrievers, Otters, and Beavers. In-depth relationships, the need for communication and details. Stuff that takes a tremendous effort from me. Time spent in these areas totally drains me. Our team loves this stuff.
Because of the emotions, because I need to spend these limitted reserves on my wife, I went into this debrief needing help. I am not a quitter, I felt helpless and hopeless, but I did not want to quit.
Then, I got blind sided. After our team meeting with Andrew and Chad, I wondered what advice would be given to me to help our team succeed. I knew it would take some work, but I was determined to move forward.
Chad told me Stephanie would take over leadership of the team. My head spun. Huh? After this much time and stress, I was asked to take the B leader role, and submit to a woman? (that is another story). I love Stephanie, totally respect her, but I felt like my huevos were just cut off. FAILURE!
I have had almost three days to adjust. My delusion of self is a little out of balance.
Andrew says it was the leadership’s error, to have me in this situation. With a marriage and the personalities here that this is just an unworkable situation. I still have a bad taste in my mouth. I have to trust the leadership and submit. Get over my pride. Take this to the tree of life. I need to see what God is doing in this. Focus on my marriage. The responsibility for the team is off my shoulders.
I will adjust. I always do. It takes time. Be unoffendable. Learn. Serve. Humility. Jesus help me.
