I am sitting at a table in the foodcourt in the airport in Lima. Linnea is stressing over our palm pilot, which I still have no idea how to use, with James Spano looking on. James is an incredible musician, and I assume he must know more than I do about these techno gadgets. But, from the look on his face, I know how helpless he must be feeling too.
We will kill the day at the airport, watching people’s bags, with a few others, as most of the teams find some other way to pass the day. I have another personal experiment into the lethal dose of caffeine planned. I have set my brain toward developing a new delusion to handle my wounded pride. We watched “Girl Interrupted” last night, and honestly thought about how we as humans (not just women) handle our wounds.
As usual I have a stack of half read books tagging along with me. My pack was overweight today, because of the amount of books I have collected. I have finally started reading Shane Claiborne’s “Irresistible Revolution”, which Seth blogged about maybe six months ago. Shane Claiborne speaks about what actually following Jesus looks like to him. Claiborne’s life is truly radical, truly revolutionary. What he writes blows me away.
Another book in the stack is Jon Krakauer’s “Under the Banner of Heaven”. I love Krakauer’s writing, “Into Thin Air” and “Eiger Dreams”, are the others I have read of his. “Under the Banner of Heaven” covers the history of the Mormons and the murder of a woman and her child at the hands of two fundamentalist brothers, who were acting in obedience to the voice of God. According to the fundamentalists, murder is doing the will of God, as well as polygamy, including incestuous relationships and “celestial or spiritual wifery” of girls as young as 13 (either against their will, rape, or the result of years of brainwashing). These fundamentalists also see fleecing the government through white collar crimes, or welfare, as bleeding the beast. (With their many wives and many children come many welfare checks.) That stealing is ok, because the government is evil.
I often hear from people, “Who is to say if one religion is truth and another is not?” Are all religions the same?
As I have so much trouble with religion, but am convinced I might die some day (probably), I need to figure out how to live. What matters as I walk this earth? What matters as we travel around the world? What is worth dying for, living for? How do I handle reality?
Krakauer quotes from Anthony Storr, “Feet of Clay”, that “Both revelation and delusion are attempts at the solution of problems…..Religious faith is an answer to the problem of life….One man’s faith is another man’s delusion….Whether a belief is considered to be a delusion or not depends partly upon the intensity with which it is defended, and partly upon the numbers of people subscribing to it.”
As I struggle, failing forward, sometimes I wonder how much I am living a delusion. This delusion of life, am I creating it or following someone else’s delusion? I would assume we are all living someone’s delusion, if all religions have an equal claim to truth. We are living a delusion, on our own or in a group. Maybe a bunch of separate delusions clustered together in what some would call community. Adjusting to the consequences of the collision of delusions. Maybe like the old rock polishers, our delusions are smoothing edges off each other as we tumble together in life.
Community is challenging much of who I am. Community, I signed up for this. I signed up for community precisely because I have so much trouble with others. To protect my delusions I often withdraw. I often engage either openly or passively in this battle of what is right and what is wrong. So much energy goes into this battle of the delusion of (my) self. I like people more if their delusion is compatible to mine, and reject people whose delusion is in dissonance with mine.
This brings up to me a man who I would consider one of the few SAGES I have ever met. Maybe there have been more, but in the habit of protecting my delusion I have avoided their influence. This SAGE, by the name of Andrew Shearman, has the habit of smashing my delusion, and at the same time, offering me wisdom better than mine.
To keep the interest of the readers, I will continue this brain fart in the next blog.
title: christianity? (delusions)
