You know those times when someone asks you, “Hey, how ya doing?” And without hesitation, you put a smile on and respond with, “I’m good.” While on the inside, you feel completely numb, as if you are anything but good. Yeah, me too!
It only took me 7 months on the Race to realize that I really wasn’t okay (insert eye roll). Since I began my walk with the Lord 5 years ago, I became really great at operating as a mechanical Christian. I knew all of the right things to say. I knew all of the right things to do. I was an expert at going through the motions and just getting by. I was okay with putting in minimum effort, yet I expected nothing less than God’s best. My “relationship” with the Lord was transactional, and intimacy was nonexistent. However, you want to know the amazing part of it all?
God always gave me His best despite the position of my heart towards Him.
I knew that something had to change. No longer was I able to put on a fake smile and respond with a hollow, “I’m good.” I longed for a relationship with the Father that was founded on intimacy. I needed heart surgery. I felt the Lord continuously tugging on my heart, but for so long I refused to respond. I operated solely out of head knowledge, lacking all understanding of heart knowledge. Having now known this, I didn’t know where to begin. And the Lord spoke, “Hey! Why don’t you start with talking to me about it” (mind blowing, I know). However, to involve the Lord on any level in my life, other than when I wanted/needed something was completely foreign to me.
For so long, I ran away from the deep end because I knew that it would require action on my part to make it there. However, we all know that the deep end will forever remain unreachable without first exerting some type of action. By choosing to abide in the shallow end, it only got me so far for so long. I was ready to swim, or even drown, if that’s what it took to gain intimacy with the Father. I began to cry out, “Lord, breathe life into the parts of my heart that have been numb for so long. Help me to fall in love with your Word. May they not just be words on a piece of paper, but be alive and active in my everyday life. Show me what true worship looks like. Teach me the power of prayer. Help me to gain a better understanding of the Holy Spirit and the power He possesses. Help me to understand your love on a deeper level.”
There were depths of His love that I didn’t have access to because I became comfortable on the surface.
The Father longs for intimacy with us. And although I am not an expert on all things intimacy, I can tell you that you have nothing to lose. Why not jump head first into the deep end? There, you’ll find a loving Father that holds treasures for us far beyond our wildest imagination. You’ll find that He longs to take us to places far more beautiful than we could ever dream of.
I’m thankful for a Father who seeks me out when He has every reason not to.
I’m thankful for this journey that has brought forth the longing for true intimacy with the Father.
I’m thankful that there is always more. The moment I begin to believe that I’ve gone as deep as I can go, God so graciously takes me by the hand and urges me to swim a little deeper.
