The past four years that I have been a follower of Jesus, I have struggled a lot with feeling like i’m just not a “good enough Christian woman,” that “I just don’t fit the mold.”
From what I have seen, Christian woman always go to church on Sunday mornings. They volunteer a lot. They’re soft spoken and courteous. They are involved in bible studies, love to read all the popular Christian books and spend lots of time on Pinterest. They laugh respectfully at well-mannered jokes. Christian women know how to say all the right things and do all the right things.
As a pretty out-spoken, opinionated and loud woman, this confused me. How could I ever be any of these things, let alone all of these things? Don’t get me wrong, I love to go to church on Sunday mornings, volunteer, and I spend so much time on Pinterest I have to set a time limit on my phone. But, half of the time I say the wrong thing at the wrong time. I laugh at very inappropriate situations and it’s very hard for me to keep my mouth shut when I don’t agree with something. I have made many mistakes and I often say things I do not mean. I laugh at poop jokes on a daily basis and sometimes I play temple run for three hours in one sitting.
I have always thought that because of all of these things, because of who I am, I will never amount to “a good christian woman”.
As I have been on the race, God has been completely uprooting my idea of what a christian woman should look like. He has been restoring, reinventing and reestablishing what a Godly woman is. She is a woman who does not let the comfort of the four walls of the church confine her. She is the church everywhere she goes to everyone she meets. A woman who surrounds herself with people who have different beliefs, people who look different, and people who speak different languages. A Godly woman gets her hands and feet dirty. She listens to people when they speak. She admits her wrong-doings but does not let them hinder her. A Godly woman can show people the love of the Lord through her smile, humbleness, and generosity alone.
Even more than this, a Godly woman can be herself. Her rambunctious, out-spoken, and passionate self. It is through her silliness and realness that people feel comfortable to approach her. She can express herself through worship, art, and through simply speaking her mind. A woman of God speaks truth and life into others and apologizes when she falls short. She is so much more than her modest dresses, social media profiles and volunteer work.
Just as I had put christian women in a box, I also put myself in a box. God created me exactly the way He wanted. With my passions, talents, gifts and personality. If He wanted every Godly woman to look the same and act the same He could have done that. But He didn’t. That is such good news! When we choose to follow God we don’t have to try and fit in an unrealistic mold of what we think we should look like. All of our molds look different because He created us different!
On the race I have the privilege of living and learning alongside twenty five other Godly woman and being discipled by three Godly woman. Each of them look different and walk out their lives with the Lord different. Each of them have different quirks, passions, and testimonies. They each fit their own mold, not one that was pre-established for them. It is not forced, it is a perfect fit.
I don’t have to change the inner workings of who I am to be a Godly woman. I don’t have to change my outer workings either. I can still wear crazy clothes, have both my ears pierced all the way up and have some tattoos here and there. I can still laugh at poop jokes and be the loud and expressive woman that I am.
It is what makes me unique that God loves the most about me, and it’s what makes you unique that God loves most about you.
“You made all the delicate, inner parts of my body and knit me together in my mother’s womb. Thank you for making me so wonderfully complex!” (Psalm 139:13-16)
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