Homesickness.
It comes in waves.
A song.
A smell.
Looking at pictures in your camera roll.
Calling family for a quick thirty minute conversation on the weekend.
Someone on the squad saying “lets go home” (referring to the base) and immediately thinking about going home home.
These last couple of weeks I’ve been pretty homesick. Some days I wake up and my spirit just feels heavy. I know the race is what God has for my year in between high school and college, and I am so happy I said yes to that calling, but surprise, that doesn’t mean everyday is peachy. I wish I could say I don’t ever think about what my life would look like if I had gone straight to college. I also wish I could say I have been 100% present every day on the race. I have come to the realization that as a human being I have a very hard time being present and satisfied where I am. Like what the heckk, I am so happy and grateful to be in Guatemala right now and solidifying who I am, WHY do I feel homesick? I guess you could say I’ve been wanting what I don’t have.. What I really want is to stop wishing moments away, to stop looking forward to whats to come and to be present in the now. I want to seek God in every moment so that I don’t miss how He is working. I don’t want to look back on the race and think “I wish I did that” or “I wish I did not take that moment for granted,” because the reality is that the race is more than half over. Soon I will be back in the states looking through my camera roll feeling homesick for the very place that I was homesick at.
On harder days like today, I rest in the promises that God has for me. I reflect on how much I have grown as a Christ follower, woman, daughter, sister, and friend. I think of all the sights I’ve seen, people I’ve met, food I’ve eaten, and memories I’ve shared. On harder days like today, I give God the glory, I still believe that He is who He says He is, good. I find gratitude within me, even if it’s real deep in there and I have to search real hard for it, because I am grateful to be here. I am grateful to be here every single day- traditional Guatemalan breakfast days, no power at the base days, sitting next to a chicken on the bus days, and every other day in between. I am grateful to be here on days like today, when the homesickness wave crashes over me and knocks me off my feet because I know my Father will pick me up and say “Child, stand!” It may take an hour or two days for me to abide, but when the Almighty God of the universe tells you to stand, you friggin’ stand. Not because He’s a scary and intimidating God, not because you want to, but because as followers of Jesus we have eternal access to freedom! We get to take our thoughts captive! We have the opportunity to GET OUR PEACE BACK!
So, on hard days we can choose to believe the lies, push God away, and think about the “what if’s” OR we can choose to stand up, give God the Glory, and reflect on our growth. I am so happy I am not in my second semester of college right now because I would not be typing this blog and you would not be reading it. I am so happy I am on the race and that every day is not easy because “we rejoice in our sufferings, knowing that suffering produces endurance, and endurance produces character, and character produces hope.” Romans 5 3-5
Stand up.
Get yo peace back.
Fundraising Update:
I currently have $700 left to raise for the World Race Gap Year. I have roughly two more weeks to raise support and I fully believe God will fulfill His promise of provision. If you would like to partner with me and have any questions please feel free to email me and I would love to answer them! I appreciate any and every word of encouragement, dollar, and prayer.
Lets Chat:
Email: [email protected]
Insta: @savannathomass
Blog: savannathomas.theworldrace.org
