wowza it’s been a long time since I’ve written a blog. Sorry bout it… The last blog I wrote, I let you guys in on a rough season. I was broken and lost, I was grieving the loss of the race and unfortunately, I didn’t handle that well. Jesus and I have happily come a long way since!
In the last 6 months-ish my life has changed immensely, nothing extremely drastic but enough for some big-time re-adjustments. I have deeply fallen in love with Jesus, something I never thought would happen on a level I desired. I have allowed myself to see and accept the deep love He has for me, something I never thought I was worthy of. We are learning how to walk in the mutual love we have for each other. I have changed my school plans, I have been working my little booty off fundraising for Thailand, I have experienced new heartbreaks and new victories.
This season of life with Jesus is a new one for us. It’s been a time of serenity. A time just to focus on us. Somehow Jesus has managed to pull me out of a valley and we have begun to dance on mountains. This season is new because normally I’m too busy ignoring Jesus to even give him spac to bring me into it. It’s embarrassing the amount of time Jesus spends running after me, I’m thankful He never stops. This time, I felt like I didn’t even have the energy to try to run, I found that my heart ached for Him, to sit with Him, to take in His love. Soon, there became no room in my heart for anything else other than Him. When I would try to make room for other things above Him, the amount of emptiness I felt was intense girls…it took me a little while to realize, He was my new norm. I found it was hard to even take my eyes off of him.
Recently we have been re-defining the word “Yes”. We often don’t realize just how much meaning and impact the three letter word has. To say “yes” is to say “No” to something else each time. To say “yes” to Jesus is to say “no” to the world. We can’t hold Jesus in one hand and the world in the other. We have to hold Jesus with both hands. It is to stand apart from everyone else and pick up your cross. Recently I was put in a situation where I was the only person in that setting who loved Jesus when brought up, I was brokenhearted to see people start making fun of Him and saying horrible things about Him. which brings me to the biggest “yes” He has taught me lately: To say “Yes” is to stand in a room full of people making fun of Him and confidently say “I love Jesus”. It is to call people higher and make Him known. Being there was the hardest thing I have seen in a while, I was just sorta in shock that it was happening, but thankfully, I know that Jesus gave His life for me. I know that God sent His only son for me. I know how much He loves me. The very least I could do was defend Him, but truthfully…a few months ago, I would have just ignored it. I would have chalked it up to their opinions (even though their opinions are VERY wrong!) and kept going in fear of causing a problem. He’s taught me how to say “no” to that. He used that situation to show me how much His heart breaks. I have cried for people who don’t know Jesus many times, but this time I wept, from a deep place of hurt. If I cried that much, I can’t even imagine what Jesus feels every second.
I have recently changed my major. I don’t wish to go into much detail at the time, but this process has led me to a place of obedience. I fought very hard on this change. It was one I didn’t understand at the time, but somehow all made sense…if that makes any sense lol. I took me a while to realize just because my path changed, does not mean I have failed. It just means that’s not what Jesus had for me. Truth be told, I’ve known for a while I was supposed to change my major…again, Jesus frequently has to chase me to get me to do things. I should probably help Him out more. With accepting the change, He has revealed to me benefits coming with the change. He has reminded me why I was created, lit the biggest passion in my heart on even more fire.
I have recently started a new job within the past 3 months. At first, it was not what I wanted…or what I thought I deserved. That was a hard lesson, learning I’m not entitled to what I think I should have when it comes to certain things. This job has been the biggest blessing to me. The only thing I regret is not working there sooner. My co-workers are better than yours and that’s just fact. It has been such a gift to know and love them. This has taught me how to use my words to be encouraging and bring life, how to be slow to anger, how to meet people in the place they are and love them well. How to bite my tongue harder when I don’t want to. How to build relationships with hard people and how to work hard. I work with several single moms who work their BUTTS off, it’s been a blessing to learn from them. I also work with Kelly, aka my mom..which we were all kinda worried about, but it has been the biggest breath of fresh air for me.
I am fully funded for Thailand! I leave May 31. I owe my supporters the world. I can’t say or write enough thank-you cards to express the amount of deep gratitude I have for you guys. I want you guys to know that I realize I didn’t give you enough attention on the race, there were a lot of things I should have done differently in order to keep you guys updated and for that, I am sorry. I have a list of email addresses that will get a weekly email while I am on the field this time! However, please remember wifi isn’t always the easiest thing to find! so bear with me:)
That’s a wrap on being 19, I will see 20 tomorrow. Thankful for the happiness this year has brought me. I’m also excited to have another year to dance to Taylor Swift and sing Shawn Mendes at the top of my lungs.
