Ya know . . . sometimes the World Race sucks. Don’t get me wrong; I don’t hate it, I don’t want to go home . . . but sometimes, it just plain sucks. It’s real life, believe it or not, and it’s not the romantic adventure I made it out to be one year ago. I already discussed some things in my previous post regarding unhealthy expectations of the Race, so I’ll just add on a few more.
Sometimes the World Race sucks because you have very little to no control over your life. You get told where to go, what to do, and how to dress. You don’t get to build your own schedule. And, when you have your hosts cooking for you, you nary have a choice in what you get to eat. Living this way brought to light that I am, in fact, a bit of a control freak. God has used this during my Race to make me see that my life is not about me. It has made me into a more flexible person.
Sometimes the World Race sucks because you are so far away from family and friends. There is a point on the Race when you realize that everyone’s lives back home are continuing on as normal and life is going on without you perfectly fine. When I realized this I got the most homesick than I’ve been the entire Race. It sucks that my nephew is growing up and learning to talk and I’m missing it. It sucks that my mom is moving into a new house (that I’ll be living in when I get back) and I wasn’t there to help her make the decision or to help her move. It sucks that my best friend of 10 years had her baby girl and I wasn’t there to celebrate with her. But what God’s taught me through this is that their lives don’t revolve around me, and don’t need me, to keep going. I am not always what’s best for them and they don’t need me. God’s also taught me that my fears that people at home will forget about me are bullhockey. My two-and-a-half year old nephew still knows who I am, recognizes my face, and talks to me on Skype. My five year old godson asked about me just the other day and I’ve been on this Race for six months. People are not going to forget about you. You’re worth more to them than that.
Sometimes the World Race sucks because it grows you. Yeah, growth is definitely a positive thing, but that doesn’t mean it’s always pleasant. Growth can be people calling out your faults and encouraging you to strengthen them. It means humbling yourself and laying down your pride. It means admitting when you’re wrong and apologizing to people when you don’t want to. It means managing conflict in a way that is gentle, yet straightforward and nipping it in the bud – and, coming from a culture that is entirely too passive aggressive, this is a scary, but incredibly freeing ability to have. Growth means not holding grudges and being quick to give forgiveness and grace, even when your flesh doesn’t want to. It’s about doing things you’d rather not do for people you don’t know or for a ministry you don’t like. It means taking responsibility for yourself and owning the way you treat people.
Sometimes the World Race sucks because it is very much about preferring others. We, as humans, are naturally selfish. I’ve had times where I’ve had to share things I didn’t want to. Not because someone made me, but because I want to strive to be selfless. So that means giving your teammate the best seat on the bus or the window seat on the plane. That means being all in for a team time when all you want to do is sleep or be by yourself. That means taking every opportunity to say “yes” to someone’s need. That means being intentional about loving each of your teammates in the ways they feel loved, even when you’re in a bad mood and you’re not feeling loved by them. God’s taught me that, although this can sometimes suck, it allows me to love people better.
Sometimes the World Race sucks because of change. It was exciting the first couple of months, traveling from country to country, but now it just sucks. It sucks having no consistency. It sucks changing cultures and languages and timezones. It sucks changing teams and losing people on the squad. It sucks falling in love with a ministry and really getting into that “rhythm of life,” just to have to uproot and leave it all every three to four weeks. It sucks getting to know people and build relationships and grow to really love them just to have to leave them. It sucks doing a ministry you’ve fallen in love with (in this case for me, bar ministry) and the girls are asking and asking you and your team to come back the next night because they never have people come in to just talk with them and dance with them and listen to their story and share Jesus’ love with them, just to have to leave and tell them you can’t come back and facing the reality that you will probably never see them again in this life. This plain, flat-out, hands-down just sucks. This kind of circumstance is perhaps the suckiest that I’ve encountered so far. But God has taught me through this experience that sometimes we are just placed in once-in-a-lifetime circumstances to plant a seed. I just have to trust in His plan for these women and pray for them.
Sometimes the World Race sucks because you hate the ministry. Haiti was my worst month, ministry-wise, out of all of them so far. I just didn’t like the country or the people or the ministry our host had us doing. I spent the entire month giving only as much as was necessary and I wished the entire time away. God taught me through this that the World Race isn’t about me. Even more, my life, and what I do isn’t about me. We are commanded to do everything to the best of our abilities for the glory of God, and I was way off the mark in Haiti. So, even if you hate it, give it your all, don’t wish it away, and invest and stay present.
Sometimes the World Race sucks because you have to fundraise. It sucks having to ask people for money on a regular basis. It sucks, having come from a culture very much all about self-sufficiency, that I literally have no way to be self-sufficient except to reach out to those around me. It sucks to have a limited, declining amount of money in your bank account and it sucks having to rely on God to provide for you instead of being able to provide for yourself. But God has taught me through this that I really can trust Him with my funds, with my money, with His provision. He says that even the sparrows, that He cares for, have food to eat everyday, so why would He not provide so much more to us, whom He holds most dear? I am currently in a stressful situation with my personal funds and am running very low due to the World Race being much more expensive out of pocket than I had anticipated, but I trust the Lord to take care of me financially and bring in some funds for the rest of the Race.
Sometimes the World Race sucks because it looks nothing like you imagined it to. When I discovered the Race last year I spent SO much of my time reading blogs and watching videos and I built my vision of the Race off of those. But here’s a little secret: judging the World Race off of blogs and videos are like judging a movie based on its preview. The truth is, there is SO much that happens and so many experiences on the Race that just don’t make it into blogs or videos. God taught me through this that I shouldn’t have as many expectations about what my future will look like and, when it doesn’t meet my expectations, to accept them and push through to the other side because, despite the suck, it’s completely worth it. So embrace the suck. You’ll come out on the other side better than you were before.
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Funding Update: Thank you everyone who’s donated so far! I’ve been incredibly blessed by your support! I have around six more days to reach my goal and I am still a little over $4,500 short! Please pray about donating so that would be able to be fully funded on time! Also, as I mentioned in my post, I am running short on personal funds. These mostly go towards covering the difference of meals and transportation that my WR budget won’t cover, as well as some fun things here and there. If you feel led, you can support me on the field by donating to my paypal account. It would be such an incredible blessing. If you feel led to support my fundraising, you can give by clicking the button “Support Me” at the top of this blog. If you would like to bless me by giving to my personal fund, you can send it to my paypal via my email address: [email protected]. Thank you so much for your support! Keep all of it in your prayers.
Other prayer requests: We will be heading to Malaysia in a few days. My team is doing a month of Unsung Heroes, which means we get to travel the country – or in this case, Penang and surrounding areas – and search for new ministries for the World Race to partner with. Pray for open hearts and open doors. Malaysia is a closed country (which means Christianity isn’t publicly legal to be displayed or promoted) so it’ll be a little tough, but we’re excited!
