Meet Eugene. He is 5 years old and lives at Faith Brethren Children's Home. He has the biggest and best smile ive ever seen on a child and has the joy of the Lord all over him. His pants are always 5 sizes too big having his little buttcrack hanging out at all times. And he loves to dance!
We met my first day at the orphange and I instatnly pegged him as my favorite. He climbed right into my lap and we sang and danced together all day. He loves to take pictures with my camera, but loves to see his own face on the screen even more!
On our second visit, Eugene was one of the few that was left at the orphange when others went to visit family or family friends during holiday from school. (Not all of the children are what they call total orphanes. Some still have family members. However they live at school for various reasons. Most becasue thier family cannot care for them like the school can, with education, food and shelter.) EUgene remaining behind tells me he has no family. My heartbreaks when I see him in the crowd of remaining children who have no where to go. This is his family, these are his brothers and sisters. This is his home. He knows nothing else but these walls. He knows no other love than that of the workers there.
For the next two visits we are glued together, him on my lap and me with my arms wrapped tight around his huge pants. He gets defensive when other children come to play or sing with us, pushing them aside, wanting all my attention and love for himself. I dont blame him. This is something he has never had, he knows it will be gone in a few short hours when my visit is up and he wants to be selfish while it last.
My heart is quick to love Eugene with all that I have. I find myself loving the time with him just as much and not wanting it to end. I want to bring him home! I want to take care of him, and give him this love always.
I realize that this is the love that my Heavenly Father has for me. He wants to be selfish with His time with me. He loves me so much He doesnt want the time to end, He wants to take me home, to be with Him always. He wants to take care of me and give me the desires of my heart. So as I sit here today sad about leaving Eugene and missing my own family. Missing that same love that my parents show me, missing getting to love on my little brother in this same way. The Lord takes me to JOhn 15:9 "As the Father has loved me, so have I loved you. Now remain in my love." So that is today's choice to remain in His love. Im so thankful that I have gotten so many chances to experience His love through so many different people. So thankful that He keeps reminding me of how great His love really is for me and how I only need to remain in it. But the question im wrestling with is…Am I truely and always selfish for the Lord?
