I moved back to Wylie in May, and it has been quite a transition, at the very least! For some reason anytime that I come home for an extended stay I really have a hard time with my walk with Christ, and this time has been no different! It’s never an automatic thing though, it creeps up on me and before I know it one day I haven’t spent time with Him in weeks and I am just going through the motions!
I started to notice this about three weeks ago before training camp, but I didn’t really do much to change the fact that I was not lovin’ Jesus with my life. And then I got to training camp and it didn’t take long before I was completely wrapped up in Him again. It was wonderful, and I loved it!
Now I have been home for a couple of weeks again and I have slipped right back into that rut that I was in prior to camp, but this time I was well aware of it. Thursday night I was at my small group and God decided that it was time that I confess this sin. The question that we were discussing was something about what lie are you living and I just couldn’t help but think about how my entire life is a lie at this point! Everything! I am not loving people or Jesus, I’m loving myself and going through the motions. As I confessed this to my friends that I have grown to adore tears poured down my face as what I was saying finally became so real to me and even more disappointing.
It’s now Saturday and I have been working my way through this, and trying to figure out exactly what I need to do to align my heart with Christ’s. I went on a little mini-road trip today to absolutely nowhere, and it was incredible! Today God reminded me that there is nothing that I can do, say, or not do to take His love away from me. He loves me just as much today as He did the day that He created me! Today God reminded me that He loves people so much, and that He wants me to love them too, more than myself. And He also reminded me that He is going to change this world, and He wants to use me! He wants to send me to the nations, not just for 11 months, but for my entire life, and He will use me to change the world, even if just through one little ol’ soul. But in order for Him to use me to full capacity I must seek Him, every day. Every minute of every day!
I’m not even going to pretend that this will be easy, or even that I will never struggle with this again, but I am excited about what God has in store for me in this world!
