A couple weeks ago in Colorado I heard a camp speaker say this line that has stuck with me deeply since….
He said, “I’ve come to realize that I’ve spent most of my life trying to prove to this world that I’m worth loving”
And this speaker went on to talk about something that so often we hear – that those of us who have grown up as a Christian have heard since forever: “Jesus loves you”.
“I’ve spent my whole life trying to prove to this world that I’m worth loving, when one day I heard The Lord speak to me in His own way telling me that He’s found me worth loving since the beginning – that I don’t have to try anymore”
And this is what I’ve gotten from that message that night…
That I am loved, and I’ve been told that… Many, many times. I have people that love me – that care for me, that I know will be there – yet deep in my heart I still have this constant desire to prove that I am worth loving – or maybe it’s that I’m afraid I might lose that worth… I still haven’t figured it out… But I do know that I am constantly struggling to prove myself for whatever reason that may be.
From that I’ve realized that I still don’t quite understand The Lord’s love for me… Which I think is a beauty in itself… That I will never be able to fully comprehend that love. But I believe there is a day in our Christian walk of constantly hearing “God loves you” that one day it finally makes sense in the most humanly way we can make it make sense… That one day you realize you don’t have to prove your love to a single thing or person on this earth… That God’s love for you is so overwhelming that you can’t quite possibly desire any other love – that you finally realize that there is no other person on this earth who has actually died for your faults so that you may have real life; no other object on this earth has loved you so perfectly and selflessly as His has… And when that sinks deep in your heart – it becomes enough- His love is enough… There’s no more proving yourself….
And I can only wonder about what our Dad thinks when He watches his sons and daughters constantly trying to prove ourselves to this broken world that we are worthy of being loved… Wearing ourselves thin because we will never fill that void of worthiness until we see His love for us
I don’t think I’ll ever fully be able to understand His love – I don’t think I’ll ever be fully able to understand why such a perfect, gracious Jesus would die for me to have life – just for me to turn back to this world for love again and again…
But I’m slowly beginning to get it as much as I can on this Earth… That there’s no more proving needed, His love has always been it
