So I got back from Training Camp for the Race about 2 weeks ago…
And bear with me – I am going to attempt to describe what happened in 10 days (which felt like a month in a lot of ways):
I came into training camp with honestly not many pre-conceived ideas or thoughts of what it would be like, just a couple tips from previous racer friends I have – I don’t really like to think about what’s happening next, I just want to go and do it (could be a good or bad thing). So that was basically the way that I came into training camp boarding that plane to Georgia – trying not to think about it or fully realizing that this was the first major event leading up to the actual Race.
As I walked off my plane in Georgia I headed towards the area where there were circles of people wearing red, purple, yellow or green shirts…
World Racers stand out, let me tell ya
We have our 65-80 L backpacks with North Face and Patagonia day packs, with all the Nalgene water bottles you can imagine – with, of course, our stickers of all the places and things we’ve experienced on them and lots and lots of Chacos of different arrays of colors with a couple people mixing it up with some Tevas.
But I think walking up to the group is when it suddenly became real to me, “This is really happening, I’m going on The World Race for 11 months with these people”.
We shortly arrived at Training Camp in Gainesville, Georgia where our main sleeping arrangement were the tents we brought, our main means of showering were with buckets we filled with hose water and very quickly baby wipes became my new best friend. I got used to sweating twenty-four seven and basically didn’t look in any form of a mirror for a good nine days.
I’d say there were three major sides to training camp – the spiritual, physical, and logistical part… In short, with the physical aspect of training camp I realized how actually out of shape I am (working at Starbucks has not done me good on that area with the sugar and caffeine) and realizing how much I actually desire to change my eating habits (greens are not my favorite food in the world either). During the logistical part of training camp, I got to hear a little more about what we will be doing on the field, when parents can come visit, fundraising and so forth.
But what I really want to share on this blog entry is one specific part of the spiritual aspect of training camp… Because boy did The Lord show and share things with me that I thought I had down – but that’s the funny part, we never really have anything fully “down” when it comes to Christianity and a relationship with Jesus.
I remember it was the night of the “Identity” talk… About who we were, who God says we are, what we really believe about ourselves… And I’m just going to be honest, I thought I had this part of Christianity down.
But the speaker started to talk about identity and who we are – and I was sitting there and for the first time I had this realization that I didn’t really know exactly who I was in that room, I mean people say I’m this and this – my friends back home would describe me a certain way, but I believe my family might describe me another way and my college friends would probably say another thing about me – and then I thought to myself “What do I even believe about myself?”
So I was sitting there, and I came to this conclusion – I am really good at being what somebody needs me to be in a certain situation or moment…
In middle school people would say I was the shy, innocent, and quiet one – so I conformed to those words
In high school I was the mean, selfish, and heartless one – so I believed those words
In my church, I was the kind one.
With some friends, I was the funny and sarcastic one.
Then with other friends, I was the laid back and peaceful one
You need me to be the talkative one? I can do that
You need me to be the sarcastic one? Sure, I’ve gotten really good at that
You need me to be the quiet and reserved one? I’m really good at that one too
You need me to be the hyper, obnoxious and crazy one? Yeah just tell me when
You need me to be calm and collective one? Okay
You need me to be the funny one? I’ll try my best in this area but no promises
I felt like I just got smacked with this whole new realm of my walk with God that I had thought I was good with – but I knew it was all so true – that I’m just really good at being what people need to be in any given moment and I think through that, I lost a lot of who God says I am or lost belief in His sweet words towards me about who I am.
During worship later, we were singing and I closed my eyes and asked The Lord to please tell me who I was, to just speak to me about truth about my identity and the false lies that I’ve told myself that I am… I prayed and waited, talked to God and waited…
And this is all I heard…
“You are mine”
Three words.
Really I was expecting a list of words or characteristics of describing words that God would list off to me– like a note you would get in elementary school from a friend “You are nice and funny and smart – you are cool”
But that’s all I got from God that night – “You are mine”
But honestly that’s all I needed.
Because sometimes I don’t think we exactly need a list of specific traits or characteristics that God says we are because I think that when you believe you are fully His – you are fully and truthfully and wonderfully His – and that when He looks at you He sees His perfect Son, Jesus – you begin to become who He made you to be in the process of discovering just that one truth of being His.
“I am His”
And I don’t need to be anything more than that – I made identity more abstract and difficult since following Jesus – trying to fit and mold myself into certain words or traits – trying this identity then this identity – all of which never felt exactly right because I was missing this one truth of my identity in Christ – of just being His.
I think us Christians tend to do that – tend to make it harder, I mean don’t get me wrong – following The Lord is hard, hardest thing I’ve ever done (also the best thing) but I think in some moments The Lord just wants us to rest in simple truths that bring us back to Him. We go around running this way and that – trying to figure out which way to go, what to say, who we are, running, running, running and sometimes I really do believe that God is looking at us shaking His head like the sweet Father He is trying to get us to just sit down for one second and rest in being His.
So the rest of training camp I rested, maybe not physically (that 3 mile hike was killer) but mentally and spiritually I rested… Continually asked God to help me rest in that simple identity that “I am His” and that’s all I need to be and oh, the peace that followed that truth was freeing – freed from lies I told myself, lies that I have to be this or this when the whole time for me, it was just three simple words I needed to believe, no list – just three words.
A lot of other things happened during training camp that I could write out… But honestly this is already getting so long, my fingers are cramping and I’m actually sitting on an airplane writing this as my battery life drains slowly.
But I do want to end this with just letting my family, friends and supporters know how incredibly thankful I am for all of y’all for helping me get to where I’m at now even when I doubted it myself – Training Camp was a means to helping us not go on the Race with baggage – not going with issues within ourselves and therefore not being completely able to be a complete vessel for The Gospel with the people we meet…
And gosh, I am so, so ready to meet these people these next 11 months in the countries we will be– ready for them to know, see, taste and believe the love of a God who is crazy in love with them – ready for them to see that they are His precious sons and daughters and that’s all they’ve ever needed to be.
