When I came back on The Race, I never realized how difficult grieving my mom’s death would be. I never thought I would spend nights in India locked in the bathroom journaling, wanting to check on my baby sister, feeling like I needed to throw up.
“I came back and this is what I’m doing?”
“My child, you would have grieved in the United States, grief is the same everywhere.”
Numerous people told me I HAD to grieve– that grief comes in waves. “How many waves Abba?” I asked. “As many as you need, and I’ll be there to catch you every time one sweeps you under.”
The hard, unrelenting waves came from India through Vietnam. I felt as if I was in a constant state of drowning.
“My child, I catch all your tears and have given you help. YOU HAVE to allow people around you to love you the best way they know how. You’ll experience more of Me as you open up to them.”
Breakthrough came in ways I cannot adequately describe. As I allowed the people God placed in my life love me through the hardest year I’ve faced- I started seeing God in ways I’ve never seen Him before.
This past weekend, a wave hit- but it wasn’t as forceful as the waves that have hit in the past. This wave was more of a “missing momma, I wish I could call her and hear her excitement about my homecoming.”
“Abba, please calm my heart and show me something new.”
I prayed, not knowing what or when He would respond. His response was not something I wanted to hear, but I needed the reminder. “You don’t need your mom, beloved, You need me. I have and I am everything you’ll ever need. You have found complete dependence in Me. Keep moving forward. I will show you things and allow you to experience things you haven’t, wait patiently and expectantly.”
I am amazed by how my Daddy hears the cries of His children and answers. He answered my prayer from this weekend today.
Drained and exhausted, the Lord told me I had to get up and go with my team to ministry. “But!” “But nothing. I have nothing but good for each of My children. You need to go.”
I slowly put my boots and coat on and sauntered out the door. After an hour of driving, we arrived at the village. We pulled up to the pastor’s house, chatted with his wife for a bit, and then walked down the street to pass out tracks.
As we were making our way back to the car, our translator asked us if we had time to talk and pray for the pastor and his family. We walked into the house and the first thing that caught my eye was an elderly Romanian woman. The minute she hugged me, it felt as if I was wrapped in my momma’s arms. Her face had similar wrinkles and her smile was so bright.As we sat and talked to the pastor, I couldn’t help but look over at this woman. Every time I glanced over she was grinning, joy radiating from her face. As we were getting ready to leave, she gave me that same warm, gentle hug and my Daddy said, “This is how joyful your mom would be about your homecoming.
This was one moment I’ll cherish for the rest of my life.
He gives the best surprises!
