For privacy and respect, the name has been changed.
Dear Leah,
You might be surprised that you are getting a letter from me; after all, we haven’t spoken or seen each other in forever. I’m currently on The World Race in Manzini, Swaziland- loving children and bringing hope to the hopeless.A few days ago, after our team finished ministry, I snuck away to journal. As I was journaling God brought you to my mind. Knowing our past, I wanted to shut your name out, but He just kept telling me to pray. After praying, I continued to journal with you constantly on my heart. That same night I had a very detailed dream about our past. We were children getting ready for bed, for some odd reason we shared a room. You wanted to stay awake and got out of bed multiple times to play with toys and wake me. Angry, I told you if you didn’t stop, I would tell mom and dad. You didn’t stop making noise and trying to wake me, so I stomped out and tattled to see if they would make you go to bed. For some reason I couldn’t find mom, so I told dad. “Daddy, Leah will not go to sleep. It’s time for bed and all she wants to do is play. Please make her stop!” His response went something like this: “Savannah, she can do what she wants, let her be.” In a very defensive tone I screamed, “No” and begged him to do something, yet he refused. I ended up falling asleep on the couch for the rest of the night. Today, I walked to a coffee shop in town to process the dream. When I dream and remember the dream, it usually comes true. Although this dream was in our past, I’m sure the aggressive tone and attitude happened on more than one occasion.
The things God revealed to me today about our childhood relationship (the one I thought we had) shocked me. I never let you beat to your own drum when you were young. I constantly tried to change you because I didn’t like who I saw. It took 20 years for me to realize that I cannot change you, only God can. I remember a day a few springs ago at school, I called Aunt Bridget crying, desperate for an answer. “She won’t listen to my parents, she won’t listen to me, she won’t listen to anyone!!” “Savannah, you can’t change her, you just have to love her, regardless of the choices she makes.” (NOT the answer I was looking for, but okay) “BUT she needs to change!!!!” My approach to you was completely wrong- I never loved you, but condemned you, hated you, and tried to change you. Today God gave me a revelation- He opened my eyes to something I had blocked for so long. The only one who is capable of changing someone is God. Our responsibility is to love, accept, and extend grace- I never did any of those things.
Leah, I don’t know if you will ever come across this, but I have never felt so convicted about addressing our past. Yes, I’ve apologized before, but it was for selfish reasons, sad but true. I am not the same person I was when I last saw you. I’m beyond excited for you to see a completely different person when I return.
-Savannah
The above letter was written to my younger sister. God has not allowed her name and picture to leave my heart for over a week now. I never viewed our relationship or her the way God sees and loves His children. My sister, the girl I spent countless hours condemning, is a precious daughter of God. The person I spent countless hours avoiding, was craving my attention and acceptance. After my grandpa passed away in May, God asked me to restore all relationships that needed mending. I reconciled the relationships that He asked me to, thankful that the relationship with my sister wasn’t one of them. Now is the time. I don’t know why, but God does. I am SO excited to talk with her- love her in a way that God loves, see her in a way that He does, and extend grace to her in the way He does.
I was going to send this letter to my parents and have them give it to her at some point. God asked me not send it, but to post it as a blog. I don’t know the reasons why God asks us to do certain things, but there is reason behind everything. Perhaps someone reading is at their wits end with their sibling. Perhaps a mother is agitated with her teenage daughter. Perhaps you’re frustrated with people like the person I used to be- who don’t love and extend grace to the people right in front of them. I do know this much: God sees every one of you as His child and longs for you to see others in the same light.
Perhaps it is time to stop trying to change the person and instead:
EXTEND GRACE and BE LOVE
Swaziland is beautiful- The Lord is continuing to stir passions- and bring light to dark places.
More to Come Soon!
