My whole life, I’ve been worried about impressing others, appearing a certain way and just caring far too much about what the world thinks of me. Throughout high school, I wanted to maintain a “good reputation”, even if that meant covering my actions up with lies when rumors spread. I was living a sinful lifestyle that I wanted to hide and all was well as long as I still appeared like I was living a life that glorified the Lord. I tried to post all the “perfect” instagram pictures that everyone would like, so that I would get the affirmation I needed to feel good about myself. I found validation in the comments guys would make about my looks, even if they were actually demeaning and not respectful. At church, I worried about the people around me during worship, that I couldn’t raise my hands because someone might look at me. Even after signing up for the Race, I was more focused on gaining the knowledge, rather than pursuing intimacy with the Father because I wanted to appear wise on the field when my squadmates met me.
Month three of the Race, I finally opened up to my team, sharing things of my past that only I knew, things that created so much shame and regret, leaving me in bondage. And wow did it bring so much freedom. As I processed 2018 with God, I was unexpectedly surprised to discover how much growth has occurred in my life, specifically the new freedom that I walk in now. When I started to open up about things of my past, I realized my sins don’t define my identity. This year I learned to live instead of perform. We live in a world so starved for affirmation that we are willing to get by any means possible. These “highs” of acceptance we seek are merely band-aids to cover open wounds. Lets be real- living for the world is exhausting, and often results in us feeling unsatisfied after our many efforts to feel better about ourselves. Only He holds the truth to bring everlasting freedom into our life. This year, I let go of people’s opinions. I stopped focusing so much on who I am and stepped into the fullness of whose I am. I experienced real intimacy with the Father, and found freedom in worshipping Him- hands raised, eyes closed, and jumping in freedom. I gave up on trying to be perfect on this journey of knowing the Lord and let my teammates just see me for who I was. I also found freedom in relationships back home that the enemy had a foothold of.
Thank you Lord for crushing the lies and redefining my identity. Freedom feels good. My words for 2019 are NEW and PURPOSE. I get to live out this freedom by walking in the new identity and creation that I am in the Lord. 2 Corinthians 5:17- “ Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation. The old has passed away; behold, the new has come.”
And living each day with purpose; embracing each moment as it comes and leaning on the Lord as his plans are better than mine. Proverbs 19:21- “ Many are the plans in the mind of a man, but it is the purpose of the Lord that will stand.”
