I grew up being Daddy’s girl. My father and I had a special bond. In old home videos, you can see that bond through my dad chasing me around the kitchen, singing songs, or reading stories with me under a blanket. As time went on, more memories were made with my dad through road trips, hunting and fishing, concerts & bonding over our tastes in music, and just time spent together.
In the past few years, through growing up and my parents divorce, I began to spend less and less time with my dad and became super distance. If I’m being honest, I had an unjustifiable and unexplained resentment and attitude towards my dad. When I stayed at his house, I simply just lived under his roof. That’s it though. I didn’t make any effort to hang out or hold a conversation with him.
Since leaving home, the Lord has been working in my heart more than I ever expected. Even in the places I thought I had figured out, he has transformed and pushed me to keep growing. On our recent off day, a few of us had the privilege of visiting this farm. Driving out in the country immediately reminded me of my father as he loves the outdoors. As the day progressed, I was continually reminded of him. All of the plants in the garden reminded me of my dad’s garden. The man who owned the farm is constantly working to improve his yard and home; a trait my dad easily holds. Both of these things reminded me how my dad always gives 110 percent in anything he does and is the hardest worker I know; which is something he has always tried to instill in my sister and I. Then we went fishing in the pond with bamboo sticks, string and some stale bread. Fishing is one of my dad’s favorite hobbies and I reminisced all the memories of fishing with him in the backyard pond while eating cowtails and swedish fish, and me usually getting too impatient waiting for fish to bite. But he exemplified patience and always finding contentment in the little things.
After a day of being reminded of my dad and missing our memories, I’ve also been reminded of how blessed I am to have the dad I do. One who has always pushed me to my best and loved me at my worst. Ministry starts at home and before the race, I can’t say I was loving my family the way I should have, and for that I apologize. I’m so thankful for my Heavenly Father who has given me a fresh perspective that is full of forgiveness, love, and Kingdom that I can bring into my dad and I’s relationship. The enemy tried to use my attitude and resentment to attack and destroy our relationship, but the love of the Lord holds so much power and there can be redemption and reconciliation! Through all my growth, I am also grateful to witness the growth in my father’s life as well, as he reflects more of Jesus’ character everyday.
As much as I hate this nickname, I’ll always be your Fanner, Dad.
