The ending to such a rewarding and beautiful season has come. I’ve had to say goodbyes to the people I prayed with, cried for and fell in love with. On the race, you live life with these men and women who have abandoned everything to obey God. And with this commonality of shameless love for Him, you form deep bonds very quickly.
We shared our dreams and passions
Confessed our sins and struggles
Reached out for help
And reached in to help
Rejoiced over Kingdom come
And unashamedly loved our God
If you know me, you know I am a mess when it comes to goodbyes. It feels like all my smart and in-control cells suddenly surrender and join forces with my helpless and needy cells. Imagine what I look like on a molecular level during these times… haha, eek! Here’s something I wrote when it was really hard to move on from the mess and emotions.
Endings, how do i walk away from you whole?
Will you give me courage for the next beginning?
People say you are bittersweet but how subtle,
the sweetness.
This may feel like resistance
but it’s my embrace.
“It hurts as much as you loved”
No. I loved much but I’ve been loved greater.
This love is far more than the pain you give me.
So with sorrow, I give thanks.
With sorrow, I praise Him.
I love the people you are taking from me.
I hold hope because in eternity,
you don’t exist.
As I clung to God, not so much in the beautiful surrendering child-like way, but more of a tantrum-y child-like way, He gave me a few words.
He said, there is a hope for greater things. He helped me to see that what I gain from these loving relationships are heavenly things and eternal loves – and so, these things cannot be taken away, in reverse, it actually continues and grows. The end of a season can be grieved (as fully and dramatically as you need/want to) because there is a hope for greater things. The greater thing is that this great thing will never end but only increase.
He beckoned me, pulling me up from clinging onto his legs and into his embrace. And He said, I am the One who was and is and will always be with you. You are never empty, alone or lacking. The sadness, aches, and void you feel from the goodbyes are to remind you of me and our glorious reunion.
So even in our goodbyes, my friends have drawn me closer to the One I love.
So that’s me. This blog is a part of my grieving process and release. I’m going to keep it messy, so you can read and feel where I am.
What NEXT?
Now that this season has closed, what will I be doing next?
God has been giving me some exciting dreams and visions.
I will be returning to Korea and be starting over, in a lot of sense.
I’m praying into specifics and will be sharing all about what He has put in my heart and mind soon!
HELP!
Also, would you consider supporting me financially as I end this journey of squad leading? I am just $750 short. Thank you for your investment in what He is doing in and through me and this squad!
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Here’s a picture of the squad on my last day with them.
They know this but I love looking at them together – both when I’m standing in front of them and from a distance. Beautiful people! Love them!
And this is from one of the joint worship nights with D squad. You see D squad mentor, Megan and G squad mentor, Stephanie, side to side in the back worshipping.
