My name is Sara Neville. In 152 days from now, I will be embarking on what is going to be the hardest, scariest and most wonderful journey I have yet to be on. I will be leaving my home, my family, my wonderful boyfriend and my comfort in America and setting out on an almost year-long trip. Why? My answer is simple.
I was made for this.
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My dad once said to me that the way he saw it, there was 3 types of people in the world (respectively):
1. Those that are sold out for God, living for Him, and pursuing Him whole-heartedly, through the good and the bad.
2. Those that don’t care, arent interested, and not looking for God
3. Those that know the truth, love God, know the Bible, maybe even expertly, but walk the line between living for Him and living for the World. The people that go to church, masters of the sunday morning smile, but also sold into the idea that the world has more to offer.
In high school, I lived in a bubble. I was self absorbed, worried for only myself, and living for only myself. So, I fit the description of #3. I walked that line, and look where it me. I was determined to do life my own way, and ultimately paid the price. I found myself at 17 years old feeling washed up, broken, and alone. I was hurt, deeply, by my own actions and others, and hurt many around me. The summer between my 11th and 12th grade, I decided to do something about it.
I’ve been raised in a beautiful, wonderful Christian home, with exceptional parents. They raised me the right way, in a gospel centered home and church, surrounded by people who loved me, and wanted to help mold me into a mature, Christ-following adult. I loved those people, but I also loved the world. It looked so appealing to me. Yet, when the inevitable happened, and I found myself lost, I knew where I needed to run.
At a summer camp I went to before my senior year, there was a man named Rick Garland who was the camp speaker. He explained grace to me, and even though my whole life I’d heard it explained, somehow, the Holy Spirit used Rick to hit home. I finally understood that Grace was for the undeserving, which was me! I was being given something I didn’t deserve, and that was love, forgiveness, and a new beginning. I was waking up, night turned into morning, dawn was breaking, I was free.
I threw myself at the foot of the cross, pleaded for help from my parents, and sought help from anyone and everyone that was wise enough to give it. It wasn’t easy for me, and my pride took a hard beating, but I learned from it. I was showered with grace, with love, and even though I had to work to regain the trust that was lost, I healed.
My soul is entirely new. I am not who I was, and even though I often fail, I am not a failure. I am victorious in Christ, I am deeply loved by Him, and I am his daughter. I remember, sometimes, the spirit that I carried as a 16 year old, and I am reminded of how fully I am changed. I carry myself differently, I speak differently, and my mind thinks differently. God has taken anger, bitterness, resentment, and given me a (still very human) joyful and merciful heart. I still sometimes have to catch myself, and pray for grace, but man, God changes everything.
I used to be the queen of the “sunday-morning-smile.” I was a staff kid at my church, loved by many, and held to a certain standard. I fit that standard outwardly every sunday morning, even when inwardly, I was crumbling. Today, I find Sunday mornings to not be a chore, or a performance, but a pleasure. I am there for God. I am there to get my praise on, and hallelujah is He Good! Redemption is an incredible thing.
Please, understand this. I am not perfect. I am so flawed, and I still struggle every single day with the same things I struggled with then. However, I have a father that enables me to rebuke those struggles and pursue Him instead of them. He has taken weakness and turned it into learning. I still say dumb things, sometimes I need to be reminded to give people more slack. I often hold those around me to way too high of a standard. I am learning, I am growing, and I still sin, however I have been redeemed, and I am pursuing the Lord. There is nothing more beautiful, more liberating, and more freeing than that.
My name is Sara Neville, and in 152 days I will be embarking on what is going to be the hardest, scariest and most wonderful journey of my life. I am so excited. Join with me through my blogs and my facebook networking to follow this incredible journey.
He has made me free, and He wants you to be too.
