This month we have been traveling to various villages. We preach nightly and are partnering with the Jesus Film, sharing the gospel through film in their native tongue.
These nights look a lot like piling into our host tiny van, traveling down bumpy dirt roads, and projecting the film onto the back of vinyl sign we tie to the side of the van. The film is followed by a testimony and a message given by our team, and then we pray over each attendant individually.
Last night I had prepared a message to share, but during the film the Lord asked me to change it. I sat and looked out at the 80+ people there; I watched their faces as they reacted to His hands being nailed to a cross. One woman in particular lifted the scarf she had wrapped around her head to shield her eyes. Another had tears in her eyes. As I watched their faces I just kept hearing Jesus speak to me “I love them so much. Tell them how much I love them.”
I asked Him to make sure that meant not to share the message I had written out.
The film ended and I stood up, put my sermon notes on my seat, and walked empty handed up to where our translator was standing.
“Jesus I trust you,” I whispered as I walked towards the front.
I started by telling them I had prepared a message for them but during the film Jesus had asked me to change it. I heard chuckles from my team and couldn’t help but smile.
He had asked me to talk to them about the one thing I’ve really been struggling with.
Receiving His love.
My head and heart don’t always connect. I can know something to be true but my heart not know how to receive it.
I’ve realized how often I place my own conditions on His love and don’t allow myself to receive it when I haven’t done something to “earn it.” It’s not that He’s not pouring out His love over me, it’s that I’m blocking my heart from receiving it.
I think if we are really honest with ourselves, we have all had this tendency at one point or another.
In Jesus asking me to declare what I know to be true over the people sitting on mats in front of me, He was asking me to declare what I know to be true over myself.
I’m still navigating what it looks like to just sit and receive His love, because sometimes it’s still hard for me not to try to earn it.
I can rest in what I know to be truth.
I am deeply loved and known by the Trinity & I am covered by grace in my wrestling.
