40 Funniest Quotes from Y-Squad Expedition!

If you know me, you know I like quote walls. 

Did I say like? 

I meant to say obsessed.

From the moment we started the Race, I’ve been keeping track of the funny, strange, and sometimes outright dumb things my teammates would say. The only rule was that someone had to say the words “quote wall” and then the quote got written down. 

So without further ado, here are five of the funniest quotes from each country.

Okay, I lied, some have more than five. But in my defense, I was literally about to pee my pants in laughter at some of these. I wish I could have put them all down! 

CHINA

“I will get chopsticks… once everyone else is dead.” ~Sarah 8.12.19

“This soup is the closest thing to love I’ve ever been.” ~Elijah 8.17.19

“I’m putting black fungus and intestines together into a little taco of interesting. Welcome to China.” ~Jake 8.21.19

While talking about a menu that’s been Google Translated:
“We could just get ‘Face’, instead of ‘Beef Face’.” ~Elijah
“I’m going for ‘Thousands Of’.” ~Eric
“Aw man, I could’ve gotten ‘Intestinal Surface’!” ~Elijah
“Nah, I already had that this week.” ~Jake 8.23.19

“It’s like a genie. If you’re not specific enough, you end up being a Hot Dog.” ~Jake 9.2.19

NEPAL

“You’ve just got to eat it with your whole face.” ~Jake 9.11.19

‘Guys, something really exciting just happened!” ~Sarah
“Wait let me guess: it’s a library?” ~Jake
“That’s exciting. You get free books. But you can’t keep them.” ~Elijah 9.12.19

“You’re a forked thing!” Elijah 9.21.19

“They have a thigh.” ~Becca
“But nooooo passport!” ~Sarah 9.24.19

“My mom used to do the alien sucking noises on my brain.” ~Laura Leigh 9.30.19

INDIA

“Did you type Budd-uh-HUH or Budd-HUH-uh?” ~Elijah 10.1.19

“Here’s my cow’s udder: take a squeeze!” ~Becca 10.3.19

“How dare you shave my yak!” ~Elijah 10.3.19

“Your face is a bad hundo.” ~Elijah 10.4.19

“Look at that face. That face screams butt-breathing.” ~Jake 10.4.19

“Lord, thank you for your beautiful creation… me.” ~Elijah 10.15.19

“How do you recommend I catch the rat?” ~Elijah 
“Lure it out with food and then stun it with your dashing good looks and charm.” ~Sarah 10.19.19

“I have to watch that with subtitles because I can’t see anything.” ~Becca 10.21.19

“Have you witnessed many camel matings?” ~Jake 10.25.19

ETHIOPIA

“Did you order that because it has the most letters?” ~Saha 11.16.19

“We don’t want a goat—we just want to get to church!” ~Jewel 11.17.19

“I got your butt napkins, Your Majesty.” ~Saha 11.26.19

“I’m in a crisis! I cut my hair!”~Saha
“Okay, Brittany!” ~Jewel 11.26.19

“I smelled like a cooked goat.” ~Tamara 12.2.19

OMAN

“Hello, may we stay in your cave?” ~Victoria 12.12.19

“I could see you in an a capella group.” ~Aspen 
“What about me makes you think that? Because whatever it is, I need to stop doing it right now.” ~John 
“It’s because you wear shorts with boots.” ~Aspen 12.15.19

“For Christmas, I just want trust.” ~Dylan 12.21.19

“Please explain that in simpler terms.” ~Aspen
“Push-y push-y, spin-y spin-y, long time.” ~Jake 12.28.19

“One thing I’ve learned from Aspen after being on a team with her is that you can’t eat pants.”
~Jake 1.1.20

TURKEY

“Tell me the orangutan.” ~Jake 1.5.20

“Our safe word is hippopotamus.” ~Dylan
“You want to say hippopotamus in front of all the serious conversations?” ~Jake 1.7.20

“What’s a camel fight?” ~Sarah
“You have camel. I have camel. They fighting.” ~Yordan 1.12.20

“I just pulled it out of my butt.” ~Aspen
“Let’s keep things in there.” ~Jake 1.21.20

GEORGIA

“Here’s my idea. We put all the flirts on one team—” ~Dylan
“So, you?” ~Sarah 2.4.20

“Okay, we need a game plan. Because Mestia is a small town and if everyone is trying to marry you we won’t be able to eat at any restaurants.” ~Jake to Aspen 2.4.20

“These are the two most important things in your life: my toes and breakfast meats.” ~Aspen 2.22.20

“it’s either you break up through her parents or get a lip tattoo that says ‘marry me’.” ~Sarah 2.24.20

“Ask me anything, I’m an open book.” ~Aspen
“What’s your favorite color?” ~Austin
“Can’t tell you that.” ~Aspen
“It comes with time?” ~Austin
“And trust.” ~Aspen 2.29.20

AZERBAIJAN

“I can’t find anything in the entire country… oh wait, I’m in Afghanistan.” ~John 3.2.20

“Flappy or flabby butt?” ~John 
“That’s actually a really difficult question.” ~Aspen 3.4.20

“I painted my toenails so my parents wouldn’t be disappointed in me.” ~Aspen
“Some people go to law school for that.” ~John 3.6.20

“In Djibouti the going rate is 10 camels per white woman.” ~John
“That’s a pretty good price. I mean.. I could have a spare daughter.” ~Will
“How many kangaroos for one woman in Australia?” ~Dylan
“Five of the red ones.” ~Jackson 3.16.20

“By the end of the night everyone will get corona.” ~Jackson
“It’s a hostel corona guarantee.” ~Jake 
“Or your money back!” ~Jackson 3.16.20

And finally… 

2.13.20: The night we listened to “In the Air Tonight” by Phil Collins 21 TIMES ON REPEAT… 

 8th repeat: 
“Did you know that playing a song over and over was an interrogation tactic for the CIA in the 90’s?” ~John 

11th Repeat: 
“He’s concerned that my drumming might activate the air bag.” ~Jake 
“This is over an hour of the same song.” ~John 
“This is the only team time I’ll participate in.” ~Dylan

13th Repeat: 
“I propose a team name change in honor of the real legend.” ~John 
“The Collinators!” ~Jake 
“Or Phil Me Up.” ~John 

14th Repeat: 
“I’ve been waiting to fart for like 2 and a half days.” ~John
“Would you say you’ve been waiting for this moment all your life?” ~Jake 

15th: 
“We’ve been phil’d up.” ~John 
“With whatever’s in the Air Tonight.” ~Victoria 

17th  
“You know, this does have some spiritual aspects.” ~Aspen
“PHIL OR DIE.” ~Jake 
“This was worth the extra money.” ~Dylan

18th: 
“I feel like I’m close to Enlightenment.” ~Jake 
“I feel like I’m inside Phil Collins.” ~Dylan
“Three hours of soaking in his presence?” ~Jake 
“We’re getting there.” ~Victoria 

20th: 
“I’m going to throw something at him.” ~Sarah
“If you do, I’ll feel it coming in the air tonight.” ~Jake

21st: 
Jake to the driver: “So, is this your favorite song?”