I never was a princess type, fairy tale, wish on stars, and living in make believe kinda girl. Society taught me to search for the boy of my dreams. Recently God showed me everywhere I go there is a trail of a broken heart. And one by one I watch a piece of my heart fall away.
Throughout my time in high school and college I was on a pursuit to not be single. It’s a lifestyle I chased and what I put most of my time and energy into. Everything else became secondary. My mindset was getting out of the singleness bubble would make me content. In reality I was left feeling more alone. Singleness is portrayed as a “disease” no one seems to want to catch. People around me talked about how singleness was a gift. Immediately my thought was, EXCUSE me but there’s been a mistake, I’d like to return this gift, Please.
At the age of 25 I FINALLY understand how singleness is a gift! I’m newly single because of circumstances. Of course it stung at first. But now I am beginning to see the gifts within the beat up and “diseased” box. In my season of waiting I’m getting the opportunity to grow my faith and enter into a deeper knowing of God. Sometimes it will seem like a dry and desert land but I believe the promises He has so graciously given. God is calling me to trust Him.
While in Romania I was talking to a missionary about being single. She mentioned how singleness and marriage are both gifts. Then she explained how marriage isn’t for happiness but holiness. God began to give me a vision little by little. In the big picture I was a weed stuck in the crack of a sidewalk. He was revealing to me that unexpected beauty will come when I sprout through the crack. As I grow in singleness and waiting He will shift my eyes. The sifting, pruning, and preparing is making me more into a woman of faith. God has dreams, hopes, and plans for me as a single person, not just as married person.
I no longer want the gift of singleness to be one I want to return. I’m taking my time for ever after happily because it’s a challenge not rainbows and sunshine. Pressing into God is the key because fantasies just deceive, derail, distract, and mislead. God is going to teach me things and lead me to places I should be. To society I’m a misfit because I’m 25 single, not starting a family, and don’t have a job. But to God I’m enough, I’m His first choice, and I’m His servant. Truth is I am miles away from feeling love again and it has power!
