I saw my first superhero movie during my junior year of college, when my roommates and I rented The Avengers. (Technically, I suppose I did see about half of Captain America on Netflix once… but as far as complete movies go, I count The Avengers as my first).
It was a good movie, and considering how late I am to the Marvel bandwagon, I enjoyed it – it had a solid blend of action, comedic moments, and general geekery that made it appealing to me. I especially liked Iron Man. His suits were cool, he was funny, and it doesn’t hurt that I may or may not have had a tiny crush on Robert Downey Jr… So when I started working my way through the Marvel universe, I decided to watch all three of his movies first.
My sister is a Marvel fan as well, so watching the Iron Man films became a family event. I think we saw them all within a year, and I loved them. The stories were interesting, the technology was great, and I found the character of Tony Stark to be very intriguing. However, it wasn’t until the third movie that I realized just how much I empathized with the character.
(Spoilers warning – movie plot points ahead. You have been warned.)
Tony Stark isn’t the most likable of characters, even in the superhero universe. He’s cocky, reckless, aggressive, and never knows when to keep his mouth shut. A self-described “genius, billionaire, playboy, philanthropist,” Tony’s bravado can alienate those around him. They respect him for his intelligence and innovation, but sometimes only tolerate his personality.
And yet Iron Man is still my favorite superhero. Why?
If there’s one thing comic books and the movies that follow do very well, it’s fleshing out their characters and backgrounds. Heroes and villains alike come from difficult circumstances, with a few traits that humanize them no matter how extreme they are.
And that’s why I love Iron Man, because I can understand him.
The facade
As you learn about Tony Stark through the three movies, it becomes more and more apparent that his confident, abrasive personality is strategic. While the Iron Man suit is his physical shield, his behavior is his metaphorical one. Tony can easily hide his insecurity through humor and snark, preferring to deflect intimacy rather than let someone see how he really feels. Even his girlfriend and his best friends are sometimes blocked out by this defense mechanism. Rather than face his fears and admit that he doesn’t have it all together, he puts up his walls and doesn’t let anyone in. His bravado is an illusion – and if perhaps he convinces others he is fearless, he hopes that he will convince himself of that too.
Been there, done that, and sometimes still there doing that if I don’t catch myself. I used to be so sarcastic I honestly don’t know how anyone dealt with me. Although I’ve always used sarcasm as humor, it became a weapon when I was in middle school and spent my days being bullying and taunted by my classmates. Snarky retorts and brutal candor were my means of survival back then, because if I put my shields up, I could get people to leave me alone. Unfortunately for me, they also kept out anyone who was genuinely trying to be nice to me. I don’t know how many potential friendships I shut down or how many feelings I hurt when I was trying to protect myself. I tried being defiant to my bullies but that didn’t help me much – I wasn’t fooling anyone but myself. Years later I’ve learned to let people into my life, and take those walls down slowly, but they can still be there. I still make jokes when I’m uncomfortable, although that’s more for my personal benefit to lighten a situation. At the end of the day, I know what it means to feel like you have to protect yourself, and how hard it can be to get yourself out of that mindset.
The desire for approval
Besides being a superhero, Tony has his business site to him – his CEO, innovator persona that comes from being the heir to Stark Industries. Although he loves developing the Iron Man suits, (there are at least 43 different models at one point) he seems to enjoy being in the public eye and showing off the new technology he develops. It’s revealed in Iron Man 2 that some of this “need” for the attention he seeks comes from Tony’s relationship, if you can call it that, with his father. Howard Stark was distant and didn’t show much affection towards Tony – this lack of intimacy leads him to seek approval from the public. However, this doesn’t fill the void left by the person from whom Tony truly wanted approval, so it’s never enough. He constantly tries to out-do himself not for the sake of personally becoming better, but so he will be seen as better.
Me? Well, as a writer and musician I know the need for approval all too well – you depend on it in a field like that. (Thankfully neither of these are my career). But on a more personal note, one of my biggest struggles in the past has been never feeling like I was “enough.” For my parents, who had high standards. For my peers when I was a kid, who always found something about me to pick on. So by nature I’ve made high standards for myself too, and never gave myself enough grace when I fell short – I felt I didn’t deserve any when I failed. (Although I’ve learned that this is the beauty of grace – it usually is undeserved.) And I’ve put too much stock in the things I’ve done and the things I’ve made. Eventually they all fade away, and if this is where your identity is found, you will lose it quickly. The trouble with this whole approval thing is that we want it for our ideas, our creations, our projects… but those things aren’t “us.” They’re something we made. I am not my blog or my music. Tony is not his Iron Man suits, which is why he destroys them all and removes his arc reactor when he finally realizes that there are more important things.
The anxiety
In Iron Man 3, which takes place shortly after the events of The Avengers, we find Tony suffering from anxiety and PTSD as a result of almost dying at the end of the previous film. Even though he laughs it off at the time with a few jokes about shawarma, you can tell the event has left him badly shaken. His friends, namely Pepper Potts and James Rhodes, confront him about it in an attempt to help, but he denies that he’s been having any problems, immediately getting defensive at the mere suggestion he is anything less than fine. What Tony can’t deny, however, is evidence. When a young girl approaches him in a diner asking him to autograph a drawing of hers and asks him about what happened, he has a flashback to the event. In his panic, he unknowingly writes “help me” on the drawing, and then bolts out of the diner and hides inside his Iron Man suit – the one place where he feels safe. This is when JARVIS oh-so-helpfully informs Tony that he’s having an anxiety attack.
Later in the movie, after escaping an attempt on his life by flying to Tennessee in his suit (which loses power shortly afterwards) and finds himself trying to thwart a terrorist with the help of a kid named Harley, he faces another triggering moment.
Harley: You know what this crater reminds me of?
Tony: No idea. I’m not…I don’t care.
Harley: That giant wormhole, in um…in New York. Does it remind you?
Tony: That’s manipulative. I don’t want to talk about it.
H: Are they coming back? The aliens?
T: Maybe. Can you stop? Remember when I told you, that I have an anxiety issue?
H: Does this subject make you…make you edgy?
T: Yeah, a little bit. Can I just catch my breath for a second?
H: Are there bad guys in Rose Hills? Do you…do you need a plastic bag to breathe into? Do you have medication?
T: Nope.
H: Do you need to be on it?
T: Probably.
H: Do you have PTSD?
Tony: I don’t think so.
Harley: Are you…are you going completely mental? I can stop, do you want me to stop? Do you want me to stop?
Tony: Remember when I said to stop doing that? I swear to God, you’re going to freak me out!
[Suddenly rises]
Tony: Ah man, you did it, didn’t you? You happy now?
Harley: What did I say?
[Tony starts running off and Harley runs after him]
I get it, Tony, I really do. The denial, the defenses, the sudden need to bolt that comes almost out of nowhere. And more than anything, the fear that no one else understands – that you are resigned to being seen as “weak” because you have your moments of anxiety. It’s the burden you carry around knowing that everyday tasks are hard for you, and that you’re doing everything you can to get by. When you achieve victory over it, it feels amazing, but sometimes it can backfire, and you psych yourself out by thinking that victory for you isn’t even a second thought for most others. You have to keep things in perspective and fight your battles day to day as they come.
And yet, in spite of his shortcomings, weaknesses, and undesirable character traits, Tony Stark manages to be a hero, even though he has the intelligence and resources to be a villain. Above all he is a man with a strong moral compass, an insatiable desire to learn, an unwavering loyalty to those he cares about, and is a champion of the greater good. And while I’m no superhero, I can be those four things I just listed.
I too, am Iron Man.
