On one of our first nights in Da Nang, Team Adelphi decided to go see Mockingjay Part 2, the final installment of The Hunger Games series. It was an excellent movie – the series as a whole is a very close adaptation of the books, all of which I very much enjoyed. But I’m not really here to talk about the movie.
In the last scene, an epilogue taking place nearly 20 years after the end of the events of Mockingjay, protagonist Katniss Everdeen gives a monologue explaining how she will tell her children about the atrocities done to her and her loved ones, and how she copes with the residual emotions and pain.
“I’ll tell them how I survive it. I’ll tell them that on bad mornings, it feels impossible to take pleasure in anything because I’m afraid it could be taken away. That’s when I make a list in my head of every act of goodness I’ve seen someone do. It’s like a game. Repetitive. Even a little tedious after more than twenty years. But there are much worse games to play.” (Suzanne Collins, 2010)
I am no Katniss Everdeen and quite frankly I wouldn’t want to be, given what happens to her throughout all three books. But after reading the series maybe four times and seeing all of the films, I found myself very much able to empathize with the character, especially in Mockingjay. Aside from the obvious post-traumatic stress from both of her times in the Hunger Games arena, Katniss fights with depression. Now I may be no mental health professional, but if you ask me, Suzanne Collins writes this aspect of the character in a very accurate way.
Which brings me to my actual point. Upon our arrival in Vietnam, I felt something was off-kilter somehow. What I can only describe as a “spiritual heaviness” overpowered me all throughout leadership development weekend in Ho Chi Minh City and it followed me to Da Nang. On our first day there, I could barely bring myself to leave our hotel, trapped by anxiety. I strongly considered leaving the Race at the halfway mark, and the anxiety soon gave way to my old enemy, depression. I didn’t want to do anything, go anywhere, or speak to anyone.
Thankfully the fog lifted after a lot of prayer, and a lot of long conversations with my team as well as U Squad leadership (a quick shout-out is necessary to our raised-up squad leaders, Amy, Danny, and Laura, as well as Travis, our Mentor – they’re absolutely amazing). But it wasn’t all rainbows and butterflies from there – Vietnam, ironically the most “comfortable” month when it came to safety and accommodations, was the hardest month for me on the race, bar none.
It would be so easy to cast aside Vietnam as “well that sucked, let’s move on to the next thing,” but I think that would do it a disservice. Although I faced challenges almost every day, Month 6 was not a complete bust. Even though I fought the heaviness of depression and spiritual warfare constantly, even though I felt hopeless sometimes,
So I’m going to take a leaf out of Katniss Everdeen’s book.
“I’ll tell them that on bad mornings, it feels impossible to take pleasure in anything because I’m afraid it could be taken away. That’s when I make a list in my head…”
To wrap up Vietnam in a positive way, I’ll be making my own list. Of every good thing, every redeeming quality of this strange month. Little things, big things, it doesn’t matter, because at the end of the day, they all matter.
-Celebrating Thanksgiving at a Mexican restaurant with the entire squad
-Riding a sleeper bus for the first time
-Mornings at Happy Heart Café
-The staff at Happy Heart, especially Thao, Bing, and Truong
-Saigon iced coffee (seriously, Vietnam does their iced coffee right)
-Talking with Binh about everything and nothing from soccer to food to politics at English Corner
-All of the Christmas lights on the waterfront
-Seeing the dragon bridge from a distance every day
-Com Market
-Being a teaching assistant for the month
-Getting to know Olivia, the teacher I worked with
-Spending an evening with Amy and hearing all kinds of wisdom from her
-Checking an item off my bucket list and playing guitar in a cafe for the first time
-Being in the same city as four other teams
-Coffee dates with Kelsey and Anna
-Spending two nights with Team Ing
-Attending Da Nang International Fellowship (a church for ex-pats living there)
-Spending 3 Sundays with a church that felt like home during Advent, one of my favorite times of year
-Being able to join my home church for a Sunday service via live stream
-Friendly baristas at Da Nang Souveniers Café who didn’t make fun of me too much when I ordered the same thing literally every time I was there
-Having air conditioning for the first time on the Race
-Never-ending laughter with my team – we’re a crazy group, but that’s the way I like it
-Launching the Bucket Hat Chronicles – a new vlog series I hope to continue
-Our Christmas party with the Happy Heart staff at our host, Charlie’s home
-Learning how to play Juggernaut, a card game Charlie’s son invented and produced
-Traveling back to Ho Chi Minh City with three other teams, on another sleeper bus
-Visiting a war museum in Ho Chi Minh
-The woman in line behind me at said museum paying for my ticket (which only cost 75 cents, but the gesture made my day)
This list is hardly all-inclusive, but the simple act of making it has made my time in Vietnam seem a whole lot brighter than it otherwise would have. You have to crack open the blinds in order to let light in.
