You asked the man at the pool, “Do you want to be healed? Do you want to be well? Do you want to be free?” But I ask it of myself and my true heart is revealed – I have to tell, you see, that the answer is no.
For in my innermost soul the desire to be whole is pushed aside and restrained by the chains of familiarity – freedom is a rarity to someone bound to a limited length and without the strength to break it.
Or am I?
Am I truly lacking or is a case of surrender to what’s attacking me? Are chains what I’m trapped in or have I contrived my own contraption to keep me still and silent?
Because I am afraid. Because freedom and wholeness are an unfamiliar path laid out in front of me and I must make the chance to confront what’s ahead. I dread what could be out there instead of what I know.
Now somewhere deep within I know that freedom’s worth the fight. But I question if I’m right because I’m still afraid.
But fear does not fight fair – it clouds the air with lies and shame and convincing arguments. Twisted logic, manipulation, head-spinning frustration all to keep me grounded and I’m astounded that I fall for it again and again and again.
Yet I desire to throw caution to the wind, forget social convention, stubborn pretentiousness and reach the boldness that once made me a sidewalk preacher.
“Do you want to be healed? Do you want to be whole?”
I know I was not born to play the role of a coward on the sidelines.
How long will I resign myself to be second-string? Here’s the thing: someone’s got to charge into the darkness, barge into the fortress of the enemy and take no prisoners.
Others will follow, others will pick up their swords, armies will storm the streets in the name of the kingdom. Long live the trailblazers and the pioneers – the dauntless ones who cast aside fear.
“Do you want to be healed? Do you want to be whole?”
“Yes, my Lord, I am here!”
