Something I’ve struggled with thinking is Am i enough? Am I pretty enough, strong enough, successful enough, worthy enough. They’re the words that creep into my head before I speak in a group to say something, the words that come into my head as I write this blog thinking of how perfect everything needs to sound, the words that goes through my head as I see that boy I like, the words I constantly have to reassure myself that God says differently. They’re lies but somehow it’s so easy to believe them and get caught up with what the world shows you what being enough looks like.
A lot of times I catch myself putting my worth into my appearance. Am I pretty enough in this picture to post it? Am I pretty enough to grab this person’s attention and have them listen to what I have to say? Am I pretty enough for this person to want and love me? Is my body toned enough to wear this outfit? I could write a list on things I would question if was good enough for for hours. To be honest though, I’m never going to be enough for this world no matter how much effort I put in. There is always going to be an unrealistic expectation wherever I look. I put to much worth into what the world thinks of me and not enough into what God thinks of me. I know beauty comes from what’s on the inside, God made me and I struggled with allowing Him to tell me who He thinks I am. He never told me that XYZ was the only was I could touch this persons life. He never said I had to look a certain way to receive his blessings.
So I decided on 5 things I rather be putting my effort into that isn’t physical.
- Joy- Not happy, joyful. Happiness is such a temporary emotion. This is my favorite fruit of the Spirit. Imagine waking up everyday and being so full of the joy of the Lord it became contagious to those around you. No matter what trial came your way, you’d never be that girl with the broken smile looking for happiness somewhere. God would fill your emptiness with His joy and it would quench your thirst.
- Patience- I thought I was a patient person till it came to being patient with God. I’m guilty of putting God on my time and not being patient to wait for His answer. I’d think if I didn’t get my answer as soon as I wanted then I wasn’t doing enough or I wasn’t a good enough Christian. Wow, what a lie that is.
- Confidence- I want to see and love myself the way God does. In order to love others, I need to learn to love myself first, and in order to love God, I need to be able to love the image I see in the mirror. Being aware of my worth leads to confidence in facing and accepting challenges.
- Dependent- Being independent can be great, but I struggle with ever needing anyone for anything. I don’t need anyone’s help and I especially didn’t feel like I needed to use my time up with God to deal with things. Gods been stripping me of my independence and showing me how great life is to be in tune and let him guide me and have His help. I’m seeing that my time with God isn’t a luxury, but rather a necessity.
- Trust- This ones a tricky one for me. We’re all human and humans do what we all do best, let each other down. I’ve been heartbroken, lied to, and taken advantage of, so why do I put God in the same box as everyone else? I’ve pushed him away, as I do most people, so there isn’t time to disappoint me. Letting go and letting God take control and move how he wants in my life has been a satisfying challenge I’ve accepted.
I am enough,
Sarah
