Okay…. so I have to admit, I’m really not sure what the next big move is for me. For the last three years I knew exactly what I was going to do with my life.
-Finish the last two years of undergrad
-Leave for the World Race three months after graduation.
-Spend 11 months on the World Race
Three years. All of the “big stuff” planned out. But now I am in month 11 of the WR and I don’t honestly know what the “big stuff” is now.
When I question and doubt, when I am unsure and unwilling I have this hope and truth to hold onto: I will not be satisfied with my life unless I am working for the kingdom. But what that looks like exactly I don’t know.
What I do know is that God has placed something in my heart that I will never fully be able to describe; a love for people that will never end, compassion that reaches beyond cultural racial and socioeconomical barriers, perspective that Isill not ever be able to turn away from.
There are options to choose from that will require lots of prayer and exploring. I am nervously excited to pursue this journey and adventure with the Lord. I can make plans all I want but who actually knows where God is guiding me until it happens.
I never really knew what my life would look like, what career I’d take, where I’d live and so many other small details. I always assumed I’d go back to school after this and finish a masters, go into a career and start a family but honestly, it never felt settled. I questioned college majors and careers more than you’d know, and never actually settled on it. But now I know why. God wasn’t preparing my heart for the life of college, career, husband and babies. However beautiful that life can be, He didnand’t plan for me to be satisfied with it.
About 2/3 through my race God’s timing was good to let me in on His secret just a little bit. I realized why I wasn’t feeling the same emotions some of my teammates were. I wasn’t counting days to go home sometimes. Things that made others tired made me feel alive. My heart saw things my brain couldn’t comprehend in the moment and I couldn’t explain even to myself what I felt. It was then that I started to realize that my heart for missions was a lot bigger than I thought. Long term missions and international missions became a thought for the future, which is honestly intimidating but I also know this is going to be a beautiful adventure.
Progress isn’t linear and there’s a lot of fun and hard things between point a and b. No, I don’t have it figured out… but that’s okay. And I get that it’s scary. Most of us love to plan and have direction whether we think we do or not. Honestly, sometimes I get very overwhelmed and frustrated by not knowing but a lot of the time I’m paitent and at ease knowing my plans are going to go out the door when God finally calls me to the specifics. So right now I just toss my hands up and shrug whenever someone asks “what’s next”. I don’t know but I know it’s okay because I’m settled in the Lord.
So here’s what the beginning of this adventure looks like:
I’m going back to Haiti in the fall. Soon I will start fundraising for that. It’s a short term mission trip (about 2.5 weeks) back to the same ministry my team went month 2 of my race. My heart has a special spot for Haiti and for this ministry and the incredible kids they serve. So I am very excited to be going back and helping serve these kids and this ministry. I will update and give more details on this later. (:
Haiti is about the only thing, other than getting a job, set in place so far.
Other fun things on the table between God and I are:
-possibly Alumni squad a world race group
-going back to Romania to serve God with the ministry my team went to month 8 of my race and look into staying there long term.
There’s more but these are the main points right now. I’m grateful so many doors have been opened internationally and in the states, so I’m open to anything the Lord has for me. It all really just depends on God’s timing and will.
