as you can tell from the title, i’ve faced a few obstacles this week.
from the moment i said yes to God’s call to go on the race, i never once questioned it, never doubted where He was leading me. i mean, it was the calling i had been waiting for since the 7th grade. i was so excited.
this week i was hit will a ball of doubt, anxiety, and, above all, paralyzing fear. it was the perfect storm of spiritual warfare combined with my humanity that almost convinced me to drop the race in an instant. drop. the. race. if you know me, or have read any of my blogs, Jesus has given me so many affirmations in pursuing the world race in the past few months, so many that most people don’t even know about. and i was going to throw out everything Jesus promised becausee i felt uncertain and scared.
but this doubt halted me mid stride.
fear. i was overwhelmed with fear. i graduate high school in three weeks, and i was overcome with the reality of my future. while it seems like every other kid in my class is going to experience the basic college experience next year, i’ll be using squatty potties, living out of a backpack, and praying to change the world, fighting for good.
sometimes i dream about the simplicity of the regular college expereince.
the world race will be the hardest thing i have ever done. being away for 9 months, community living, missing thanksgiving and christmas, all my brothers, my parents, my bed, ice water, not living out of a backpack.. the list goes on. i am so afraid that i will fail. i doubt my ability to fulfill God’s plan.
but, in the midst of all this doubt, anxiety, and fear, He says:
1 peter 5:7
cast all your anxiety on Him because He cares for you.
Jesus is so good at loving us. He knew it was the gentle reminder i needed. similar to doubting thomas, who didn’t want his heart to be broken again and needed proof that Jesus was alive, Jesus heard my cries. everything.. i didn’t even need to say a formal prayer for Him to know exctly what was up in my heart.
I prayed for all fundraising to stop completely if i was not ging on the race.. less than an hour later i recieved one of the most generous donations yet, by the end of the day i got news that a really awesome bbq chef will be cooking for a fundraising dinner ( coming up june 22, check out the link below!! ), and yesterday a family friend lent me a super, super nice hiking tent, saving me upwards of $300. again and again and again, His goodness shined through.
then he left this sweet truth for me on a piece of paper in a random, old bible:
matthew 8:26
why are you fearful, o you of little faith?
Jesus: *drops mic*
o you of little faith. He knew i had lost sight of His promises to me. i now know that my feelings will change.. i will be overcome with feelings doubt and fear and anxiety again, but i will hold steady in His promises. i will rest and remain in Him. because He won’t fail me.
and He won’t fail you. He knows your heart, He loves you, He wants you. He loves us so much and so well. i may be overcome with fear some, but i am overcome with His love everyday.
1 peter 5:6-11
humble yourselves, therefore, under the mighty hand of God, so that He may exalt you at the proper time, casting all your cares on Him, because He cares about you. be sober-minded, be alert. your adversary the devil is prowling around like a roaring lion, looking for anyone he can devour. resist him, firm in the faith, knowing that the same kind of sufferings are being experienced by your fellow believers throughout the world.
the God of all grace, who called you to his eternal glory in Christ, will himself restore, establish, strengthen, and support you after you have suffered a little while. to him be dominion forever. amen.
fundraising dinner!!: https://docs.google.com/forms/d/e/1FAIpQLSeRAV1cI_OcEV-ctTAi8kMSpGypgt6IO7pvLEUthv6-VCZiMg/viewform
