Something people always told me before I left and even at times here is that I’m on a mission trip…but I’m not on a mission trip nor am I a missionary. I say that for two different reasons…
The first reason is because when you think of a mission trip it implies an end date, due to the whole “trip” part of it. It isn’t a life time it’s just a trip. Yes the World Race Gap year is only nine months total, but I plan on the rest of my life, past these now eight months, to still be following all God has planned for me. I don’t want this to only be a mission trip I want to have a life of “mission”.
I also don’t like saying I’m a missionary. Caleb (my team leader) and me had a short conversation the other day about how someone said “I’m not a missionary, I’m just me” and it’s so true. I am trying to live a life on mission of what God calls me to but at the end of the day I am Sarah Catherine and I am following what I love and doing what I love which happens to be doing what God has in store and planned(s) for me.
I’ve thought a lot about both of these things the past couple weeks because I’ve been trying to process what my new life looks like. Personally one of our ministries here is teaching little kids English, and I have had a hard time loving these little kids. I normally connect with kids by being able to talk with them and I can’t other than saying hello or maybe if they are older a little small talk. Then the other day I was sitting there thinking I really don’t like this portion of ministry because I just get annoyed super easily…. but it isn’t a portion of ministry, its just doing what God calls us to do. Love others and show him to others by being a light. It may come in the form of teaching English, but if I have a REAL problem with the ministry then I have a bigger problem because it isn’t just a mission its just an extension of what we are called to do as Christians. That’s when I really started thinking and talking to God about helping me change my mindset because I don’t want to categorize the things I do here on the race or when I get back as either a mission or just life, and I don’t want to categorize myself as a missionary only when I’m overseas. I want God and all that he is to be in every aspect of my life not just in little boxes that are labeled mission. And when I change how I love others and how categorize my actions based on if they are “mission” or not, I’m not doing my life right. No it isn’t something I intentionally do but I noticed that I have done it the past two weeks in that one particular way and kinda grew up doing it. I feel like anytime I had a mission trip I was like alright be a “pro”missionary aka christian for the week and that isn’t how it should be at all! I had some people before I left call me something like that and it bothered me so bad and I couldn’t figure it out why and with everything these past two weeks it clicked why. It isn’t a mission trip. I’m not a missionary. I am SarahCatherine being me and living a life that follows Christ.
On top of figuring this out the past couple weeks I have also found more of myself in the Lord. I feel free, alive, joyful, full, I feel like me for the first time in my life. Of course certain things about myself are the same I didn’t live 18 years a full lie… but I am finding my fullness in God and just who I actually am in him instead of the things I made myself to be for so long and its such a sweet and rad ride so far! I have found that I am a carrier of his peace and love not only just resting with him and his presence but that others can feel his peace when they are with me at times. I have also found that I just don’t care what others think as much and that I have been letting go of what I think other people expect from me and just being me. I don’t have it all figured out at all and I know that isn’t all I have to get rid of in trying to figure out who I am but for now I have seen the fullness that God has for me as me starting to take shape.
But back to the whole missional life instead of being on a mission trip or being a missionary, I think part of it really is changing your mindset and saying I am just going to live like Christ and as Christ. So as I am doing that and finding more of myself I hope you will be too. Find what the Lord has for you where you are and as you are. Don’t wait for a “mission trip” or for a church event, just do it.
love you all all the way from Albania,
SarahCatherine
(aka Essie because SarahCatherine is confusing here and SC is even more confusing to try and explain soooo aye I got a new nickname!!!!)
