There’s not enough.
This ship is drifting.
I’m not doing enough.
This ship is sinking.
I’m not enough.
I’ll soon be drowning.
Buckets.
I need more people bailing out water.
WHY ARE YOU ONLY FILLING IT HALFWAY?!?
Can’t you see we’re sinking?
FASTER! WHY ARE YOU TAKING A BREAK?
Don’t you care about me?
WHY WEREN’T YOU BETTER?!?
You could have prevented this if you were.
Control.
I can control where I go with a rudder.
I can control how much energy I expend with a boat.
I can control how fast or slow I get there with a sail and an oar.
Man-made items to get me across an expanse of water, its hidden depths unknown.
But He calls us out upon the water.
He calls us to step outside of what we know and run to Him.
The essence under our feet doesn’t matter.
It’s His eyes that ground us.
I love the story of Peter stepping out of the boat to walk on water with Jesus. I even have a painting of an empty boat hanging up in my room at home that is the first thing I see when I wake up.
I thought going on the World Race was me stepping out of the boat. And it was in so many ways.
But I’m discovering that I have built a lot of boats in my mind. They are the un-godly coping mechanisms I built to feel safe and protect myself from drowning. And while there are many that are abandoned and bobbing around the ocean of grace that makes up my testimony, Control is a ship on which I currently live.
Self-control is a fruit of the Spirit (and one I know I still need to work on). But when ever I try to control anything outside of my own actions and attitude, it’s not Jesus. And therefore it’s a boat I need to step out of.
I’m discovering control is a coping mechanism I use to mitigate fear. Fear of not having enough. Fear of not doing enough. Fear of not being enough. Instead of trusting that God will provide; if I do what He asks me that is all that is required; and that when He created me, He did it perfectly and without flaw.
I’m learning this month to lean on Him. To trust Him to provide.
It’s a risk to now stay.
To stay is to disobey.
“If you step out, I won’t let you sink.”
