About 5 seconds after laying down in my bed, and starting to feel the effects of an extremely emotionally and physically exhausting few days, I was prompted to get up and spend time with the Lord.
So I got up.
I took my Bible, journal and IPod and went out to the balcony on the second floor of our hotel. As I sat down beneath the stars, I began to cry.
Weird for many reasons:
1. I am not a big fan of crying. 2. I had literally been crying for about two days straight at this point and thought for sure there was no way I had any tears left. 3. Nothing brought on these tears. Not a song. Not any thoughts (there were none on my mind then). Just tears.
As I sat listening to music under the stars and marveling in how great God is, the song Forever Love came on (there is a video of it at the end of this blog).
It broke me apart!
As I sat listening to the song on repeat (I think I played it about 10 times that night) I began to weep at the realization of what could have been for so long in my life. At how much greater life could have been had I just realized just how much God loves me. At what kind of relationship I am able to have with the God that I have loved my entire life, and yet never really loved at all. God broke my heart for myself and for my relationship with Him.
Tears that I thought had run out flowed steadily down my face. With each repeat of the song, a new line from the song hit me and filled up my heart for the Lord in a way I had never known possible. By the last time I listened to the song, I was laughing uncontrollably; the Holy Spirit filling me up!
So deep. So intimate. So real!
Pictured above is my journal entry from that night. Each phrase is a line from the song. I don’t take credit for writing any of them, but from that night on, they are the truths that I will live by for the rest of my life:
With everything inside I’ll run to you!
From the depth of who I am I’ll love you!
From the bottom of my heart I’ll sing to you!
I WILL love you more than anyone on this Earth!
All that I’ve become I owe to you!
Nothing could ever satisfy me the way that you do!
NOTHING in this life could separate us!
YOU ARE MY FOREVER LOVE!
