I Gave Into The Unknown

Exactly one year ago, I gave up on life. 

I gave up on the American dream.

I gave up on trying to find my affirmation through everyone else’s eyes.

I gave up on the idea that my reputation was all I owned. 

 

It just wasn’t enough. 

There had to be more. 

 

What was my identity? Soccer? Art therapy? Becoming a wife and mother?

I was full of questions.

Why was I created? Who am I to God?

 

I prayed for someone to show me what a “real” Christian looked like, acted like, and prayed like.

I wanted a model, someone to show me what passion resembled. 

I wanted guidance, help, empowerment, and joy. 

 

I started opening my heart inch by inch when my prayers started happening.

I started believing in the impossible, much like a child's belief in the tooth fairy.

I started pursuing something I didn’t quite understand.

I gave into the unknown.  

 

I signed up for an 11 month journey around the world. 

I visited 11 countries, most of which I knew nothing about.

I saw people who were desperate for food, desperate for clothes, or even desperate for warmth. 

 

I came bearing a message of hope and love that I didn’t fully understand. 

I came to proclaim Jesus' name to the lost, in hopes they would find their purpose in life. 

I came to help people find the same thing I was after! 

 

I was not equipped physically. 

A virus that has inhabited my cornea for 10 years was still in attack mode.

Without proper medical attention, my doctor imagined the virus would kill what little vision I had left.

 

I was not equipped spiritually. 

Even though I had attended Christian schools my whole life, I never paid attention in any class.

I studied what I had to get by, then forgot the rest. 

 

I was not equipped mentally.

I had never slept in a hammock, in a tent, or on a concrete floor. 

I had never lived with 50 strangers I would see every day for an entire year. 

 

Some of my friends saw it as an awesome opportunity to travel the world. 

Even though that was the hook, it wasn’t my deciding factor. 

I was just desperate for change.

 

So here I am, 11 months later, more wrecked than I’ve ever been in my entire life.

I’ve prayed for hundreds of people who needed healing. 

I've preached to numerous congregations and loved on people I did not know. 

I’ve given my heart and labor to ministries I did not fully grasp.

I’ve met people with more desperation than I’ve had in a lifetime. 

 

So how do I know this God is real after of year of pursuing Him? 

 

I’ve taken little to no medication this entire year, and have had no decrease in eye sight.

I’ve seen entire hospitals healed Month 1 by praying to this God I barely knew. 

I’ve seen teammates healed of Malaria in a matter of days. 

I’ve seen the Lord use stories of my past to encourage other’s, while learning they paralleled biblical stories. 

I’ve seen people who walked in hopelessness, become touched by the HS, and walk in a joy I can’t explain. 

I’ve seen physical healing of deafness right in front of my eyes. 

 

I’ve learned man and woman were created to rule the earth in intimacy with God. From the beginning, it was a love story (Genesis 1:26).

I’ve learned that when man sinned in the garden, it empowered Satan with authority over the earth, a.k.a. the ability to steal, kill, and destroy (Gen 3:22) (John 10:10).

I’ve learned that Jesus died a man, to recapture the keys of the earth man was given in the garden (Luke 19:10).

I’ve learned that Jesus gave us the same spirit that inhabited His body, enabling Him to perform healings and miracles (John 14:26).

I’ve learned that the Holy Spirit is what gives man power over the enemy, thus making it abnormal for a Christian to not have an appetite for the impossible (Matthew 3:16-17) (Acts 1:8) (John 14:12-14).

I’ve learned that my God loves me so much that He not only yearns for my prayer, but seeks to pursue me daily as His daughter (John 14:14) (Gal. 4:7).

I’ve learned Jesus was the human model of what a “real” Christian looks like, acts like, and prays like. He became the human model for all who would embrace the invitation to invade the impossible in His name (John 14:12-14).

I’ve learned to surround myself in community with people like my 45 squad mates, where we work together like a human body, growing and building itself up each day in love (Eph. 4:15-16).

 

Loving God and His people has been an honor this year. I will no longer make up excuses for powerlessness because powerlessness is inexcusable. So be prepared to be struck down with love, because I can’t help that the Kingdom pours out of me wherever I go. 

 

“Seek first the Kingdom of God…” Matthew 6:33

“The Kingdom of God is not a matter of talk but of power.” 1 Corinthians 4:20 

 

Though this journey is almost over, and American soil is within my grasp, 

I’m still on a journey to find my purpose. (Like I literally don’t know where I’m going next.)

However, I have found my identity. 

 

My identity is a daughter, only through the blood of Jesus. 

 

Please keep me in prayers as I begin fasting for the hearts of the people I will serve,

 because in our weakness, God is made stronger (2 Corinthians 12:9).

 

“I press on to the end of the race and receive the Heavenly prize for which God, through Jesus, is calling us” (Phillipians 3:14).