What am I worth?

What am I worth?

Take it all, Take it all: just give me Jesus…

Do you know what you are worth? I used to wake up two hours every morning before I had to be somewhere to make myself my version of “beautiful” because I cared so much about other people’s perception of me. I used to worry, is my life ever going to be enough? Am I ever going to make a difference?  Will I ever measure up? What if I fall away and what if I stumble? Can I even begin to pick up my cross, let alone follow the Lord with everything that I had? This idea of perfectionism consumed my life. I cannot tell you how many mornings I woke up and repeated Psalm 139, “For you created my inmost being and knit me together in my mother’s womb, I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made.”  I wanted to be perfect by every standard. When I would fall short of this standard I would sink in my guilt and shame. I forgot so quickly that the Lord’s redemptive love covers all. I never understood the fullness of God’s love. That He sees not my imperfections but my perfection in him. He sees the very being of who he created me to be and says I still want you, I still love you. So the Lord took me on this journey of understanding the vastness of His love and the beauty of His redemption. There was one point in my life where the Lord shattered every mirror I had access to and said Sarah I want you to know your worth and that worth comes from me because I am the only way your heart will be satisfied. As He began stripping me of everything that was consuming my life, the Lord spoke not to who I wasn’t but to who He says I am. He redeemed my heart and taught me that redemption is about recovering who we are in Christ. Through that time the prayer of my soul was, ‘take it all Lord, take it all but give me Jesus.’

This month I have been spending my time in the bars in the night Bazzar district of Chiang Mai, Thailand. I have learned during that time that sometimes ministry looks very different than what we think. Sometimes is looks like buying a drink and sitting next to a girl in the bar and speaking to the Jesus inside of her. The Lord doesn’t see a prostitute when he looks at her, he sees a beautiful child created in His image. He is less concerned with what we are not and more concerned with who we are going to be. The Lord sees these precious girls and says ‘I know your worth and it is far greater than what any amount of money could pay.’ Two days ago I had the opportunity to spend an afternoon with my friend from the bar we have been visiting. She is sixteen and started working in February selling her body every night to give her family nearly every dime she makes. Her mom sent her to the bars to work, and after at first refusing to sell herself as a source of income she was beat until she agreed to go. She says maybe I can run away, maybe I can get out when I turn eighteen two years from now. As I listened to her story of brokenness I wanted so badly for her to know her worth, to know the redemption of the God and to know that there is no shame. She is so worth fighting for.  Jesus wants so badly to bind her heart with is love. 

 

                                                                  

The Lord wants you to know your worth just like my beautiful friend from the bar. The Thai government admits there are over 20,000 to 30,000 children alone in the sex industry in Thailand. Please pray for my friend and so many other girls like this all over the world who do not know there worth in the Lord. Pray that they would know that the redemption of the Lord is so much better than perfection. Pray that people would see them through the eyes of the Lord. 

“So, the poor have hope, and injustice shuts its mouth.” Job 5:16

The darker the night, the brighter the day

The fiercer the fight, the stronger the faith

So I place my hope in you

The deeper the sin, the stronger the blood

More to forgive, more reason to love

So I place my trust in you

In your ways oh God, redemption

So much better than perfection

In your ways oh God

Over and over you prove yourself faithful

Over and over you prove yourself a redeemer

-Song by Kristine Mueller