I’m really good at sticking with a routine. Scary good at it. I’m so good, that I actually get mad when my routine is interrupted… which happens on a daily basis. yeah, it’s bad. Lately, God has been been prompting me to change my routines because I’m comfortable and getting extremely apathetic in getting tasks done that are outside of my normal routine.
My current habits and routines are so embedded in my life, that I’ve noticed a rather disturbing pattern when I try to change anything. It’s a one-week cycle. Sunday I make a commitment to begin changing my life. Monday and Tuesday I am very good at sticking to those new habits God has placed on my heart. Wednesday I do an “okay” job, but apathy begins to sink in and I don’t finish the day strong. Thursday through Saturday I’m back to old habits and routines. I might get a good Saturday if I get a guilty conscience on Friday night. This cycle has been in place for almost four months now, and I’m really frustrated with me.
Last week, something changed. The thoughts about God’s power living in me and how I could change with his power hit a spot in my heart that has not been touched in a while. Coupled with a family situation a few weeks back, God was just kind of saying, “You are not who I am in you. You can do better than this, and I will help you be more like me.”
I realize my life was like the picture circling the internet with the little kid holding onto the small teddy bear, and Jesus asking for it, with a larger teddy bear hidden behind him. The difference was, Jesus is actually holding the larger reward right in my sight, and I wasn’t giving up my comfortable habits.
This last week hasn’t changed much in terms of habits, but the attitude has changed. The “Darn, I messed up the rest of the week” has been replaced with “Darn, I messed up in this moment.”
I still have a long way to go until God has all of me and works through me constantly, but I’d rather it be a moment by moment battle that I know I have strength for, than a week/month/year battle that I know I will fail.
