Feeling completely unmotivated, I spent my entire off day on my phone, watching Netflix, YouTube, playing games. I realized part way through the day, I was actually trying to find any sort of purpose in all of it. It is hard for me to be motivated right now.
I paused in what I was doing and decided to reflect on the situation, instead of continuing it. I realized something very important.
I rarely push through and want to learn new things through to completion. I still don’t. I’m afraid of failing, afraid of being less than what people think I am. Because I feel this ways, I will stop trying as soon as it gets hard and it’s possible to fail. I then spiral into not being motivated to do new things, and that sets me into a mindset of not trying for anything.
In order to get through this, I’m going to do something a little different. Instead of just pushing myself to fail, I’m going to call out where I believe that I am less than what people think I am. That way people can see where I truly am, and help me grow from there.
Here are some of the things that stop me from being motivated:
What people have said: I look decently fit, like I can hold my own in the gym.
The truth: I cannot run more than 5 minutes, and although I can lift some weight, it is no where near what I would like to be able to lift.
The fear: if I do fitness in front of others, their idea of me will be lessened.
The goal: run regularly each week over the next three months, and join a crossfit program/gym when I return to the States.
What people have said: I have an incredible musical ear and talent.
The truth: I only play guitar and piano, can hold a rhythm on percussion, and sing a little.
The goal: learn to play violin and a drum kit
The fear: It will take years to make only a little progress, and I will never be able to learn either instrument.
What I think people think: I love learning new languages and cultures.
The truth: while I love learning about the cultures and people, I highly dislike the language part. I would much rather communicate in English about the culture around me.
The goal: learn a greater portion of the next four languages I encounter, and fluently learn two more languages (Turkish is one, asking God what the second should be)
The fear: I will look like a fool while butchering the languages I am learning.
Here’s my thoughts today:
Are any of these goals even worthy goals? I think they are. I want to be healthy and fit to do whatever God has waiting for me. The music God has put inside of me is something he wants me to share, but I currently have too few avenues to get it out. Knowing that I will constantly be learning new words and languages for the rest of my life in ministry, I better start before it’s too late!!
Are the fears valid? Not really, if I’m being honest. I don’t like others seeing me as less or more than I am, which makes me want to keep a facade up for the world, but one of the best ways to grow is through failure and correction for the next time you take a step.
Are people thinking what I think they are thinking? Probably not, but you will need to tell me that 😉
What are people actually thinking? Again, you will need to tell me.
What do you do when you lose your drive? Do you hide behind your facade? Do you pick up your motivation in another avenue and opportunity? Do you dig in deeper and focus on the end goal, learning from the mistakes?
Hear this loud and clear: There will always be someone better than you in at least one part of your life. You will never be the absolute greatest person in everything you do. However, You can be the hardest working. As long as you are not afraid of the learning moments, those that others call “failures” or “mistakes”, your next step will be that much greater.
#GodIsInControl #redefiningdisciple
#THIRD
