This journey is all about coming closer to God and allowing him the speak so I can obey. Most of my posts will be about what God is doing in me, and there will probably be stories about our ministry opportunities linked to those life-changing God things.
So in complete openness, I want to just share one of my conversations with God from from my journal. My words are in lower case, God’s to me are in upper case.
9 January, 2016 – Freedom Ranch, Thailand
“I have discovered a few fears, and a big one that I need to let go of and break away from. I am afraid of failure. I don’t know how many other fears I have, but I know this is the biggest and somehow I need to have it broken.
Lord, you’re my friend, but you are my father, and yet above all else you are my God. You lift me from the depths of everything I am thinking and feeling that hold me from you, and you set me on the mountain and walk with me through the valley.
Lord, you are my refuge, I as a human will not be able to break my fears, especially of failure. Lord, please take away this fear. Please let me see from my freedom that you are powerful. God, I know I will fail even to give up this fear, but I pray it does not stop me from continuing on my journey. Could you please show me how to embrace failure?
WAITING ON ME IS HARD. JUST WAIT.
Okay, I’ll be here. Speak whenever you are ready, for I am listening.
…
YOUR LEVEL OF PRIDE AND FEAR OF FAILURE IS SO HIGH RIGHT NOW THAT YOU PLAN HOW YOU ARE GOING TO DO EVERYTHING SO YOU CAN SUCCEED. YOU ARE NOT ABLE TO LIVE IN THE NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE TOO BUSY PLANNING HOW TO SUCCEED IN THE FUTURE. YOU CANNOT IMAGINE FAILING AT SOME THING YOU THINK YOU CANNOT DO, SO YOU AVOID IT ALTOGETHER.
Lord, I know all this in my head, but my heart needs so much help. My pride is through the roof. Please humble me and let me embrace that humility and failure.
GOD NEVER CHANGES! IT IS ALWAYS MY DESIRE FOR YOU ALL TO BE MY PEOPLE. THAT HAS NEVER CHANGED.”
