“Sacrifice and offerings You did not desire, but my ears You have pierced, burnt offerings and sin offerings You did not require. Then I said, ‘Here I am, I have come- it is written about me in the scroll. I desire to do Your will, O my God; Your law is written on my heart.'” – Psalm 40:6-8
In Old Testament times, a sin offering was an offering for someone who unintentionally sinned. A burnt offering was a sacrifice that expressed devotion and complete surrender. Pretty good stuff. And yet…God doesn’t want those. He wants us to desire to do His will. He wants our obedience.
Dang. That’s tough for me. It’s so much easier for me to say, “Yeah but God, look at what I’m willing to give up for You. Look at what I’m putting You before!” And that’s characterized a lot of my relationship with Christ and a lot of my time this year on the Race. The past week or so God’s been doing a major turnaround inside of me, showing me that obedience is always better than sacrifice. In fact, He woke me up and wouldn’t let me go back to sleep at 2 am last week. Why did He wake me up? Just to tell me He wanted all of me. Well, huh…thanks?
It seems obvious too. Like of course God wants all of me. When I gave my life to Christ, I told Him He could have it all. But now, He’s like ‘no seriously, Sarah. I want all of you.’ Eek! That means all of me, like ALL. That means my dignity, my future, my dreams, my personality. That means things in my life I don’t even know about yet. So surrendering wasn’t exactly a priority for me, to say the least.
Until I was stuck in the bed of a truck driving through Tanzania bush country. There I was, squashed in with 5 other people that 8 months ago I didn’t know but have somehow become my family, hanging on for dear life as we traverse the potholes and dust clouds, as we go to visit village churches and tribes that have been waiting to see white people for over 10 hours. As we drove the final 3 hours home in the nippy cold, snuggled together for warmth, I finally got it. We each were worshipping the Lord, some with iPods in, some just sitting and reveling in His awesomeness. There were more stars than I’ve ever seen in my entire life above- more than I thought there could be or there even should be. They looked almost fake, like I could grab hold of them and stick some in my pocket.
And there it was. The God that created all that couldn’t be bad, couldn’t want bad for me. So I surrendered. I gave in. And the crazy part was that there was joy in that! I don’t know what that looks like. I still don’t know what God has planned for me post-Race, but I’m not afraid to seek Him in it anymore. Because whether that means I’m moving to Sudan to be a revolutionary or if that means I’m a wife and mom in rural SC all the rest of my days, I’m ok with it. Because it’s God’s plan for me. It’s God’s best for me.
And what more could I ask for?
